2012: A Review

Third year in a row that I'm keeping my tradition of my yearly NYE review. As per usual, I don't give a crap about what actually happened - the fact we hosted the Olympics and held a party for an old lady all at taxpayer's expense while we were in a double dip recession, the BBC being exposed as a massive paedo club (I can just see them now "First rule of Paedo Club - NEVER talk about Paedo Club") and filthy scumbag shits not washing their hands and spreading norovirus round to most of the population, and  of course, the end of the world on the 21st of December - yes, we've never had a dull moment in this year's news.

1. 3 Year Anniversary - Liam and I made it to three years on the 14th of February. And in 2 months time, it'll be 4 :)
2. Contact lenses mishap - After 14 years of wearing glasses and me gaining a job in an optician's, I finally decided to try contact lenses. Monthly lenses to be exact. I lasted for just over a week when suddenly my eye became sore and watery...while I was at work serving customers. Me being an idiot and forgetting my glasses, I had to leave them in until I couldn't stand it anymore and had to get Liam to bring them to me. When I went to take them out upstairs I was persuaded by a colleague to get the optician to check it - lucky I did, as I was sent to casualty with an ulcer. After 2 hours of waiting in eye casualty I was given antibiotic drops and allowed to go home. So I won't be trying them for a while...at least not monthlies. Eeh, either way I look ill without glasses.

Drinks for my Birthday at The Pilot

3. Jimmy Carr - In April Liam and I went to see Jimmy Carr in Northampton. It was a brilliant evening and we met him afterwards and he was so lovely.
4. Celebrated my 20th Birthday - In May I officially became an adult (as even when you're 18 and 19, you're still a teenager apparently - bollocks). In true adult fashion, I went to work and treated it like a normal day.
5.  Became adopter of a penguin - For my birthday Liam gave me a brilliant present, my very own penguin, Pingu, at Dudley Zoo. While I never got to see which one exactly was him, I got to stroke one at their adopters event.
6. End of Desperate Housewives - While I said I didn't give a crap about current events, this was worthy to me as I've been watching DH since I was 12 years old and was so sad to see it go. Still, the Christmas money from my Dad went towards the Season 8 boxset so my collection's nearly completed.

Elliot the Penguin - Hand reared at Dudley Zoo so she loved the attention!

7. Passed 2nd year of uni - Despite another year of bitching and whining, I managed to pass all 9 modules of my second year at university. So it's a bit pointless to quit now.
8. Dissertation misery - I began my dissertation shortly after exams finished on CBT and vomit phobia, luckily I have a supervisor who's worked with sufferers before, so I'm in good hands. Just have to hope to god I do well.
9. EMDR - Part of my third year involved a course of EMDR (Eye movement desensitisation reprocessing) for my vomit phobia. I'll save you the long story...it didn't work too well.
10. Russell Kane - Liam and I went to see Russell Kane in November and as with most comedy events we go to, it was really good. Unfortunately we never got to meet him as he had to dash off to Leicester.
11. Became slightly more successful at work - Last month I was signed off of my first training course at work meaning I can now do single vision dispenses and adjustments/collections etc. May not mean much to you, but I'm so proud of myself for it.
12. I became an auntie again - My new neice Rose was born on the 7th December in British Columbia and I'm so happy for my brother Sean and his wife Siobhan. She's adorably cute and I look forward to meeting her via Skype in the new year.
13. Irrational norovirus hatred - Unfortunately given the media having nothing newsworthy to talk about I became an irrational, obsessive mess all over Christmas after the heavily documented norovirus outbreak was shoved down everyone's throats. Although, if it weren't for disgusting scumbags of the great British public not washing their hands after using the toilet, there wouldn't be a norovirus outbreak for the media to shove down people's throats. If I give you one piece of advice EVER, it's this: WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS.

Kerms - My frog puppet

14. Christmas - After 4 months of working my ass off and edging on burnout, we finally went home for Christmas. And despite the irrational obessiveness thanks to this god awful vomit phobia, it was pretty good. Presents included a My Keepon and my very own puppet.

So 2012 hasn't been a bad year, as we've not quite got anything planned, I'm not sure what there is to look forward to although I have 2 things in mind:
1. Graduation and all the perks - I cannot wait to get out of that crappy hell hole of a university. While I'm not looking forward to standing up in front of a bunch of people and walking onto a stage with a (let's face it, it's me) very high possibility of falling over, in May, it'll all be over. Thank Christ.
2. Leaving Northampton - While I've made a small number of good friends and uni and I enjoy my job, I won't be unbelievably sad to leave Northampton behind. I will be sad to say goodbye to the friends I made and the lovely people I've worked with, but it'll be nice to move back to Wiltshire. Hopefully.

Seven 'Student Essentials' that really aren't 'Student Essentials'

Most people know I'm a fan of pissing away my money on various online shopping sites. So when it came for my daily bargain check of one of them, I obviously had a look at the 'Student Essentials' section that was advertised. While some of it was appropriate, like study guides, stationary, kitchen bits etc, some of it really wasn't. So, here's my pick of seven 'student essentials' that just aren't.

1. The iPad
While I love my iPod I feel it's incredibly stupid to waste so much money on something that's basically a huge iPhone that you can't make phonecalls on. Before any Apple fans slate my ass, I do know it's 'so much more than that' but seriously, as a student, if you've got a laptop and a phone - why do you need an iPad? No student would have the money to buy an iPad when going back to uni, and if you do, mummy and daddy help you out far too much.

2. 'Fanny and Face' towel
Similar to the 'arse and face' towel, this is aimed at the ladies. However, I know no female that would be willing to use this lets say...properly. And lets face it, if you really do take the 'fanny and face' part seriously, then you're probably not the kind of girl that goes to university, you're more the get a job in Poundland and spending your weekends being fingered round the back of Tesco type.

3. Espresso machine
I have been in several student houses and halls since starting university and I have NEVER seen an espresso machine in them. Again, if you spend £67 on an espresso machine while forking out extortionate textbook prices and your rent, you're an idiot. What's wrong with just chucking a bit of Nescafé into a mug and pouring some water on it?

4. £20 toaster
Yes, all students need a toaster. But ours cost £6 in Tesco and it works FINE. Moral: don't spend £20 on a toaster.

5. Anti-virus software
Yes, if you're a boy at uni and you're the creepy type who prefers their girlfriends to be on RedTube rather than actually going out and meeting people, you'll probably need some good anti-virus software. But £70 for one? You are aware if you look around you can not only get them cheaper, but you can get them for free right?

6. Kitten heel ankle boots
I'm not even joking - this was in the student essentials section. Yes, I hold my hands up and say that I've spent a vast majority of my student loan on shoes and clothes, but I most certainly would not consider it an essential.

7. Moleskine notebook 
The world's most expensive notebook. Yes they're pretty, and fancy and the paper's all nice, but really? £20 on a notebook? If you spend £20 on a notebook, it just really REALLY makes me want to punch you. However, if someone bought me one, I wouldn't exactly say no.

The YouTube Survey 2012 - In Blog Form.

So there's this annual thing on YouTube, known as the YouTube Survey, where video bloggers answer random questions. I don't have a video blog, mainly because I tried it once and not only did I look like shit, I hated the sound of my own voice and had nothing worth while to talk to a camera about. A blog is easier as you don't have to worry about what you look like (I could be naked right now, but rest assured, I'm not), you don't have to wait for an empty house to make it (which is what I'd do, the only time I don't feel like a dick when talking into a camera is when Skyping) and I don't have to edit it with the volume barely up so I don't have to hear my voice. Yes, I am fully aware that I have confidence issues. So anyway, here are my answers to the YouTube survey in blog form.

1. Why are you called that?
Funny story, my name was originally going to be April Marina Joyce. Marina is my Nan's name, and I personally love it. As for the name April: my Mum was a fan of Dallas back then (and still is, which makes buying Christmas presents easy - although I'm screwed by the time I complete her collection) and was going to name me after the character April Ewing. However, my Mum's nan (my great-grandmother) had the middle name May, and she wanted to name me after her. As you can probably gather, April May would have not been the best idea, so she went with Amy May. I still have no idea where Amy came from though. And funnily enough, I was born on the 4th of yes, you guessed it, May. Obviously, the surname was also my Mum's surname, or rather, was at the time. I'm thankful that my name wasn't Audrey actually, as the 4th of May was also actress Audrey Hepburn's birthday, and Breakfast at Tiffany's was one of her favourite movies.

2. Tell us about your favourite school teacher.
My favourite school teacher differed over the years. In primary school, it was Mrs Cox, my year 3 teacher, because she was just lovely and she was really funny. In secondary school, it was probably my tutor, Mrs Chaffey. She was my tutor for 7 years, through all of secondary school and sixth form, and she also taught me for GCSE food and child development, and then again for A-level food. She was just a brilliant teacher, she took a lot of crap from certain kids in my class, and she helped me out a lot when I was being bullied. She also helped me out a hell of a lot come my final A-level food project, which if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have gotten an A, and she wrote my reference to get into university, which I still have somewhere. A close second was my English lit teacher for A-level, Mr Harding because he was a great laugh and his lessons were always so chilled, and he was just a really nice guy.

3. What's the strangest food you've ever eaten?

Tammy's Japanese themed 17th birthday

Attractive.

Due to tummy issues, I don't tend to eat strange food. The weirdest was probably my friend Tammy's homemade sushi, which I think was tuna wrapped in seaweed which we had for her 17th birthday.  I'm not sure how it went down with everyone, I can't quite remember,  but I do remember, we had a really good evening. One of many good evenings that we had back in those days.

4. Tell us about your first gig.
First ever ever gig that I went to was the Rock Concert at school. 2003/2004 I think it was. Looking back it was incredibly shit. I don't know if it should count, as my Mum paid for my tickets and was our lift for the evening. That was probably the only music gig I went to that I can remeber. In terms of first gig that I paid for myself and didn't have to rely on my parents for transport was Dara O'Briain's "This is the Show" tour. 

5. What's your favourite place in the world?

I've not really been to any places to be considered 'amazing' as most of them that people would consider amazing are abroad and I'm shit scared to get on a plane. However, my current favourite place in the world is Penguin Bay at Dudley Zoo. It's awesome, you can get right up close to them, and it's just the most amazing thing to watch.  For my birthday this year, Liam adopted me Pingu, their oldest penguin. I was also given 2 free tickets for a day there, where we also met Elliot, one of their hand reared penguins, and I recently went to their adopter's day where I met and got to stroke another one of their hand reared penguins, Peter. It was to this day, one of the best days of my life. Right up there with seeing Russell Howard and Lee Evans, getting engaged and the Year 11 summer prom.

6. Who do you want to complete the survey next?
Frankly, I couldn't care less. I just like doing surveys myself.

Adverts 2.0

Given that my last Adverts piss take went reasonably well, I've been closely watching another lot of ad breaks and keeping my rants safely hidden until I had enough material to produce another blog. Well, here goes:

Oh, and I'm very pissed of that EDF's last advert didn't have Zingy in it.

1. Clover 

We've had to endure this timeless piece of horse manure for many, many years now. And because of its infernal repetition like a bad case of cystitis, one of its' versions is permanently stuck in my head. My argument is this: IT'S BUTTER. It's not a much loved TV character or a funny pet, it's a food item that you spread on toast. Is there really any need to sing about it? About how much you love it and how it makes your life that much better? I've never come home from a shit day and thought "you know what would make this day better? A crumpet with some Clover on it, that would just get rid of all my problems." No, when I've had a shit day, I reach for the vodka, which I'm sure we all do more than we reach for a tub of over-priced, no better tasting than cheap own brand shit, toast accompaniment.

2. Oreo - The Explanation

We've all seen this charmingly cute advert before (not that I think it's cute, I personally hate all kinds of adverts that use children to endorse them), but if you haven't, it's a little girl telling her Dad how to eat an Oreo, but she won't let the poor bastard have one. First of all, this is not how you eat an Oreo. You do not twist it and lick it, that's disgusting. Why would you want to eat something covered in your own saliva, THEN dipped in milk? Yes when you eat something it gets covered in it anyway, but you don't take it out of your mouth, think "oh, that's gonna taste so much better now I've chewed it and mixed it with my bodily fluids." Ew. No, the way to eat an Oreo is: unwrap it, eat it. Secondly, whenever I patronised my parents, I got a bollocking. Thirdly, "don't laugh, it's VERY hard" - because everything is when you're five isn't it? (Also, the exact same thing her father said to her mother on the night of her conception). And finally - "can I try?" "I don't think you're ready yet." - would the advert be made more amusing if after she said this the Dad went "you're adopted." And then fade out with the classic "Only Oreo" in the corner of the screen.

3. Dairylea
This must be a relatively new advert as I can't find a link to it anywhere. But the jist is basically kids playing with lunchables, making them talk and what not. When I was that age, I was punished if I made my food talk. Or played with it in any way, shape or form for that matter. No wonder kids these days are idiots if the food they eat is modelled by kids their own age who make ham puppets.
 

Ozzy

Just 10 weeks old and sleeping with his favourite toy - Mousey.

I just re-watched one of my favourite movies, Marley and Me. Although it's a dog movie, the end in particular (the generic ending to most dog movies) reminds me of when we had to say goodbye to Ozzy after his accident. One of the most horrible things I've ever had to do, and seeing him the way he was with his poor face was just heartbreaking. The last couple of days have really got me thinking about him for some reason, and even though it's been 2 years, I still miss him more than anything.

As much as I still can't get the image of him in his bed at the vet's in the cat ward, it's so much nicer to remember him as he was, playful, cute, pretty and just loveable. So after Marley and Me reminded me of him, I took the opportunity to write about him.

We got Ozzy when I was 13. After looking at a litter of 3 black kittens, I was about to choose one of them, when the owner brought out this beautiful little black and white kitten. He was only 6 weeks old, and usually most kittens can't leave their mother until 8 weeks, but the woman was happy to let us take him. Despite him being a little confused and crying for a bit, Ozzy settled in well and within the first few hours climbed into a cupboard and fell asleep on a pile of catalouges. I named him after one of my favourie movie characters: Osmosis Jones from that movie about a white blood cell cop.

Another special thing about Ozzy was that he was born on my birthday. While most people would think I'm over-reacting what with him being a cat, cat lovers would understand that after 6 years, they're not just pets. They become part of the family and it's so hard when you have to let them go.

As he got older Ozzy became a proper little character. He was funny, some of the positions he'd sleep in were adorably funny and he was so naughty at times. I remember the first Christmas we had him, his desire to constantly play with anything shiny and dangly had him pulling the tree down more often than not.

Just one of his positions he'd like to sit in

While some people would say that cats are selfish, this little guy was nowhere near. Whenever I was ill, he'd be there on my bed next to me. When I was upset, he'd be there at my feet looking up at me. The cutest thing though was how he'd wake me up in the morning before school. My Mum would get up and go downstairs to feed up, and she'd say "go get mummy up" and he'd run upstairs and jump on my bed, waking me up with loud purring and meowing. Although sometimes, he'd just curl up and fall alseep next to me.

Always Posing

Ozzy wasn't just a pet to me, he was so much more than that. He was loving and he was loyal. After a crappy day I'd come home, and he'd be there, waiting. I still love him and I miss him everyday. We lost him after he was hit by a car. Although he hung on for as long as he could, he lost his sight in one eye and lost the other completely, and his jaw was broken and he'd lost several teeth. Even his meow sounded different. I'll never forget how he looked when we said goodbye to him, and I remember how he still knew it was us when my Mum and I went to visit him and how he started purring and cuddled into us. He stuck around for 5 days before we lost him, and because he was unable to eat because of his jaw both the vet and my Mum didn't think it was fair to make him suffer anymore, especially seeing as he'd require constant care with feeding if he ever got better. After cuddling him and telling him how much we loved him, we said goodbye and he passed away peacefully. We lost him on the 29th of April 2010, 5 days before his 6th birthday and before my 18th birthday.

Even though he was so cruelly taken, as you can see I have some lovely pictures of him and I'll always have the memory of  his cute behaviours. And I know he's up there right now pulling down Christmas trees and eating whippy ice cream and curling up on one of my jumpers with Mousey.

Gone but never forgotten.
04.05.2004 - 29.04.2010.

Chamone Mother Plugger

Just a quick heads up that I have started a new blog. It can't be nice for someone without emetophobia to read several entries about emetophobia, so I've set up The Emetophobia Chronicles. Partly because it's easier for me to blog than talk to a professional, and because I really ought to be getting in touch with how this phobia affects me if I'm doing my dissertation on it.

So if the emetophobia entries piss you off, fear no more, as they're now on a completely different side of the internet. Sort of. Or if you enjoy learning about how an irrational fear makes me who I am, or you suffer from it yourself, it's all in a lovely little collection, just for you.

So, without further ado, I unveil The Emetophobia Chronicles. Enjoy.

In your face, stigma!

As someone who has a keen interest in mental health and all things psychological, I've been religiously watching Channel 4's 4 Goes Mad shows, aimed at tacking the stigma around mental health. 2 shows in particular have really spoken to me, and those were Jon Richardson: A Little Bit OCD and The World's Maddest Job Interview. Both of which provided a brilliant insight in what it's like to suffer from various mental health problems.

While I have been diagnosed with what seems minor compared what brave others live with (emetophobia and anxiety), in terms of my own mental health, I understand how sufferers of various mental illnesses feel when they're told things such as 'snap out of it' - a personal annoyance of mine. The only people who know that you possibly cannot snap out of an anxiety attack or a ritual are those who have experienced them. What people don't seem to realise is in terms of those 'irrational thoughts' people suffer with, we would like to snap out of it. But we can't.

Jon Richardson's documentary really got me thinking about some of my own behaviour, much of which I feel is related to my emetophobia. I have several fears about germs, particularly if there's bugs about, I have to keep rechecking things, like whether the taps are off or the door is locked, and (this is the first time I've spoken about this) I have a ritual before bed in terms of repeating several statements in my head and touching something wooden - these may be things I'm worried about, and I'll repeat what I would or wouldn't like to happen, or things that just make me feel that little bit safer. This behaviour annoys the hell out of me, and it's exhausting to do right before bed, just once I'd like to go to sleep without worrying as to whether I've done it, but my mind just picks on me. Another thing that I've recently disovered can be a sign of OCD is fearing harm to others, something which I do a lot now that I can drive. For example, I once parked in a side street when I went to uni, and had to turn the car around when I left. I did this at a little too much speed and ended up mounting the kerb at quite a bit of force, and even though I was looking in the back window and my mirrors, my mind kept asking me "there wasn't a child there or anything was there?" I feel kind of guilty talking about this, as I haven't even been diagnosed with OCD, and while these behaviours annoy me and do get in the way of things, it's nothing compared to what some of the brave people shown in Jon's documentary, particularly Gemma, who's fear of contamination was on the verge of ruining her relationship and had left her housebound, and Joyce, who lost her son through the illness. As I mentioned in my previous blog, a reason stopping me from seeing my GP about my tendencies is a fear of being mocked, or being told that I don't have it and wasting doctor's time, however, upon seeing this documentary it has made me think, maybe it is worth seeing about getting an assessment of some sort.

The World's Maddest Job Interview last night was also a powerful watch. Some of it made me feel angry, like the statistic that 1 in 5 people who've admitted to a mental health problem at work said it cost them their job, and one of the employers stating "I'd feel bad for them, but I wouldn't employ them" upon reading that one volunteer had spent time in a psychiatric hospital. My first thought was surely if someone makes a good impression, they appear to be good at what they do, and they have the relevant experience, why the hell should it matter if they have a mental illness? Whether they choose to disclose it or not, it shouldn't affect their employability.

The best part of this documentary was the final result: the top three most employable candidates had suffered with mental illnesses, and all three employers said that their views on mental health had been changed. I was absolutely inspired by the bravery of all the volunteers and how they spoke up about their conditions, and even more so, that they had managed to beat or control them. It also goes to show that just because someone has a mental health problem, it doesn't mean they're unemployable, and it doesn't mean they're a freak. I think Channel 4 has done a brilliant job of attempting to tackle the stigma around mental health and I think there should be more programming showing people what it's like to live with a mental health condition and that they are more than capable of living perfectly normal happy lives. I think more programming like this, and we could be well on the way to reducing the stigma that has surrounded the issue for so long, and more importantly, inspire those who are suffering in silence to get the help they need.