Haribo Soft Mix
I can't find this advert anywhere, but it's been shown constantly on telly at the moment. Cue small child playing with a bag of Haribo softmix (which are fucking disgusting, I'd like to point out) telling a story about "Once upon a time, there was a frog." Now I'm sure regular fans of this segment remember that I hate adverts with kids in them. Especially kids that play with their food. And once again it shows that kids these days are little shits who don't learn how to share - cue this kid's face when Dad chips in and nicks one. Well, look who never learned to share. I'll put money down right now dear, that Daddy was probably the one who bought you those sweeties. And Daddy will probably be the one who bails you out of financial ruin when you jet off on your gap-yah instead of entering the real world in upcoming years, in addition to letting you rape his credit card every time you go into Topshop. At least give him one of your sweets.
Flora Presents "Wrestlers" by Josh
"Me and my brother made Mummy and Daddy breakfast for their "annin-versary" (jesus, kids these days are stupid)" - yeah, you also made a fucking mess of your parents' kitchen by the looks of it. "We used lots of tasty Flora Buttery" - I like butter on toast as much as the next person, but I can't help thinking this kid just took a massive spoonful of the shit and dumped it on the toast. Yum. "Mummy won't let us watch wrestling on TV, but she seemed quite good at it with Daddy." Can we just pause for a moment and take in the fact that someone made an advert about kids walking in on their parents having sex? They may as well have said "Mummy was already eating breakfast - she had a sausage in her mouth." Where is the link between Flora and some random kid's parents going at it? I don't get it. I can't say this advert makes me want to buy Flora Buttery. It just makes me think that when I have kids I'm going to have a lock on the inside of my bedroom door.
Maggi - Sizzling Steak
Again, another one I couldn't find on YouTube, but managed to find through TellyAds. Typical scenario, small child annoying the shit out of Mum while she cooks dinner. "I thought we'd try an experiment" she says. "Like EINSTEIN?" this kid says. No, not like Einstein, you annoying little shit. I'm sure at no point did Einstein chuck a steak into a wok and experiment with spice and all that crap. I like when Mum says "...pretty much" - you can just hear her inner voice going "will you just FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE?!" And why does this kid have 3D glasses on? It doesn't add a humorous twist on family life as I'm sure the creators of this advert thought it would, it just makes the kid look even more of a dick. Do I also sense some hostility among Mum and Dad's marriage too? When the kid says "Dad, Mum's a genius!" The disdain in his voice when he says "yes she is" just spells out marriage counselling to me. You can almost hear him thinking "all she did was open a bag." To be fair, that IS all she did really.
By Sainsbury's - Fish Fingers
There are so many things that make me want to tear my own face off about this advert. First of all - am I the only one who thinks that "By Sainsbury's" just sounds like something a little kid would do after it draws a really shit picture that it's proud of? It doesn't sound classy or anything, it just sounds like "I DID A PICTURE MUMMY." No? Just me? Anyway, I also can't stand this hippy "everything stripped back to basics" idea complete with a stripped back acoustic version of a popular song. Oh just piss off. Also, at 0.18 - it really shits my head up the way this bloke has arranged these fish fingers on the bread. LINE THEM UP NICELY. Dick.