Tuesday 17 September 2013

The YouTube Survey 2013 - Again, in Blog Form

Regular readers may remember that last year I opted upon myself to do the annual YouTube survey in the form of a blog because of my ongoing confidence issues and crap. Well, a year has passed and I still haven't turned into a hot piece of ass, so here is the 2013 'YouTube Survey' in blog form. Again.

1. What is your biggest fear?
The obvious answer is vomit, as many people know. But lately since finishing uni I've started to become fearful of the fact that this might be it. In that, I've finished uni and I've not really gotten anywhere further since. I have a job, which I'm extremely grateful for, but it's not the job I wanted and feel I deserve after 3 years of busting my ass and working with knobheads. Because of that I've started to take on this "after education, you work, you die. THE END." kind of philosophy, and I'm scared that might be true.

Wooo! What an awesome happy topic to start this fairly light and fluffy topic on. Here's 2 cups of kittens to lighten the mood:


2. How did you find out Santa isn't real?
WHAT? HE DOESN'T EXIST? Obviously I'm kidding. I don't know, I kind of pieced it together year by year. After a while you begin to twig why your mum is so desperate to get you off to bed on what's supposedly the most magical night of the year and then why she's going up and down the stairs several times while you're in bed. I actually now enjoy the part of Christmas Eve where you move all the presents in under the tree. The only thing I hate is seeing them all out and having to go to bed without opening anything. Something rather sweet also is that despite me being twenty one, my Dad still to this day tells me to get my list ready for Father Christmas. 

3. What's the best idea you've ever had? 
To take up scrapbooking as a hobby. I have about 4 scrapbooks on the go, and I'm sure more will appear as the years go on. It's going to be nice to have pretty things to look back on. 

4. What's the most embarrassing thing your parents have done? 
My parents are normally quite good at not embarrassing me in front of my friends, however one thing I can think of was a few months ago: me, my mum and my stepdad were discussing something, I can't remember what but whatever it was got compared to Schindler's List. A few days later we were at my graduation, and something related to the previous discussion came up and my mum burst out "SCHINDLER'S LIST! HAHAHAHA!" Obviously we all knew the context of this, but everyone else in the library foyer did not. They had just heard a lady mentally screaming out the name of a movie based on the Holocaust and laughing at it. Needless to say, looks were exchanged.

5. If you were only allowed to pick one career for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I'd love to be a psychologist, one that specialises in phobias and anxiety. And I would like to have "Dr" as my title and lots of letters after my name. Because B.Sc. (Hons) just looks lame on your CV.

Tuesday 3 September 2013

Welcome to Year 7! You'll probably hate it.

Today's trending topic of #TipsforYear7s on Twitter has inspired a blog for the first time in weeks. I'm supposed to be job hunting, but I was also 'supposed' to get a first when I left uni, and look what happened there. I've tweeted far too much today anyway after having a rant at some dickhead earlier, so I thought instead of pissing people off by clogging their feed with crap, I'll just blog it. So, here's some lovely tips for all you darling little newbies starting secondary school this week. Actually, the more you read this, you'll probably realise that actually they're not tips, there more like observations.

1. Don't lend people pens. 
"Ooh look who never learned to share" I hear you say. No. I know how to share. I lend friends my pens. Friends who I trust will give them back. Not layabouts who can't be bothered to pay a quid for a pack of biros and who'll chew the shit out of the ones I loan them. I know you want to make friends, but do it some other way. Unless you've got a shit load of pens you want to unload.

2. Be prepared to take shit from people. 
More of a life lesson rather than anything else, but Year 7 marks the start of you taking endless crap from people, most likely in the form of bullies. If you wear glasses, expect to have them taken off you so idiots can try them on (said from experience), if you do your homework on time, if you're even the slightest bit organised, prepare to be called names - again said from experience. But just a little side note to those people that made fun of me: I have a degree. You're flipping burgers/stacking shelves/sat on your ass spending my tax.

3. Girls: don't be one of THEM.
One for the young ladies. Some of you will watch most of the girls in your class morph into this...thing. I'm talking orange faces, fake eyelashes, Paul's Boutique bag, WKD, birth control pill. Don't become one of them.

4. "Play time" is now "break" and "lunch."
Seriously, don't call it "Play time."

5. Girls get nasty in PE. 
Ah, some fond memories here. I still remember those words "catch the ball you fucking midget!" every PE lesson. The sad tragedy is some girls don't understand the concept of rounders being 'just a game' and will call you every name they can possibly think of if you can't run/catch/throw. So you have three options: 1. Learn to shrug it off and take comfort in the fact they'll probably be pregnant in a year's time and you'll get an education; 2. Answer back or 3. Have your mum understand that you're a target for these bitches and have her write you a good excuse note. (Number 3 was my go to option, but you can't use it all the time unfortunately).

6. Don't worry about being friends with everyone. 
In a few years time when you look at the Year 11 photo of everyone, you'll hate 99% of the people in it. So don't worry about making everyone your BFF.

Well, that's all I can think of for now without wanting to scare the shit out of the kiddies. Enjoy school. And don't do drugs.