Adverts 2.0

Given that my last Adverts piss take went reasonably well, I've been closely watching another lot of ad breaks and keeping my rants safely hidden until I had enough material to produce another blog. Well, here goes:

Oh, and I'm very pissed of that EDF's last advert didn't have Zingy in it.

1. Clover 

We've had to endure this timeless piece of horse manure for many, many years now. And because of its infernal repetition like a bad case of cystitis, one of its' versions is permanently stuck in my head. My argument is this: IT'S BUTTER. It's not a much loved TV character or a funny pet, it's a food item that you spread on toast. Is there really any need to sing about it? About how much you love it and how it makes your life that much better? I've never come home from a shit day and thought "you know what would make this day better? A crumpet with some Clover on it, that would just get rid of all my problems." No, when I've had a shit day, I reach for the vodka, which I'm sure we all do more than we reach for a tub of over-priced, no better tasting than cheap own brand shit, toast accompaniment.

2. Oreo - The Explanation

We've all seen this charmingly cute advert before (not that I think it's cute, I personally hate all kinds of adverts that use children to endorse them), but if you haven't, it's a little girl telling her Dad how to eat an Oreo, but she won't let the poor bastard have one. First of all, this is not how you eat an Oreo. You do not twist it and lick it, that's disgusting. Why would you want to eat something covered in your own saliva, THEN dipped in milk? Yes when you eat something it gets covered in it anyway, but you don't take it out of your mouth, think "oh, that's gonna taste so much better now I've chewed it and mixed it with my bodily fluids." Ew. No, the way to eat an Oreo is: unwrap it, eat it. Secondly, whenever I patronised my parents, I got a bollocking. Thirdly, "don't laugh, it's VERY hard" - because everything is when you're five isn't it? (Also, the exact same thing her father said to her mother on the night of her conception). And finally - "can I try?" "I don't think you're ready yet." - would the advert be made more amusing if after she said this the Dad went "you're adopted." And then fade out with the classic "Only Oreo" in the corner of the screen.

3. Dairylea
This must be a relatively new advert as I can't find a link to it anywhere. But the jist is basically kids playing with lunchables, making them talk and what not. When I was that age, I was punished if I made my food talk. Or played with it in any way, shape or form for that matter. No wonder kids these days are idiots if the food they eat is modelled by kids their own age who make ham puppets.