Being British and that.

As you may or may not know, I hate being patriotic. I'm British, I'm not ashamed to be British, but I'm not one of those people to embrace my cultural identity. That said, I have nothing against those who do, I just think there are other aspects of your personality that you should embrace more: for example, I embrace my borderline OCD - at least it means I'm thorough. Or, rather, you could call it denial. Whatever. I embrace the fact I wear glasses. Geek chic baby.

Anyway, considering this time of year is a time to be patriotic, what with the Jubilee and the Olympics, I find it incredibly difficult to go into any shop and not be annoyed this time of year. Why would you want to buy all that crap with "Team GB!" on? We're hardly going to do well. And it's just an ugly reminder of the stupidly unholy amount of tax payers money that could have been better spent on the aspects of this country that have gone to shit in recent years. Look at all the other competitions we enter - Eurovision, the World Cup, it never ends well.

There is a reason why patriotism annoys me - the fact while there is some pride in being British, there are other things that just make you think "do I really live in a country with these types of assholes?" For example, the sheer pessimism. For example, we've had some lovely hot weather recently (admittedly, it was never going to last), but the second the temperature was a little bit raised, we had news bombarding us with "Heatwave won't last long!" and "Warm weather to disppear by end of week" - shut the hell up. What with it being Britain and all, we don't get a lot of sun, at least let us enjoy it without having the thought in our head "eeh, it'll be over this time next week - the news said." Admittedly, the thought "this time next week it'll all be over..." has it's benefits when referring to an exam, or an awkward meeting with an ex to give back their crap, but when referring to something that's actually quite pleasant, it just seems pointless.

Us Brits are selfish too, no doubt about that. It was revealed that more Brits today would rather have the perfect body than end all world suffering. Hows that for awesome? "There's a war going on in Iraq which thousands and thousands of people have lost their lives in, children in Africa are starving and dying of AIDS, there is a seemingly endless number of people suffering from so many horrible illnesses, but SCREW THAT! I want to look like Kim Kardashian when I hit the beach because then I'll look totes amaze. SHUT UPPP!" (Btw, I'm not embracing this, I genuinely think it's appalling.)

However, what I do like about being British is the fact that there are some people who aren't assholes. These are the people who I call at work for whatever reason and answer the phone cheerily and are genuinely greatful to you for calling, and those who make jokes that would typically be considered unfunny but you just have to laugh at them for making it, and the occasional person who restores your faith in humanity if you drop something, or who hold a door open for you, or give up their seat on the bus for you when you're not even elderly or pregnant.

I suppose it's these kind of people who take pride in things like the Jubilee and the Olympics. I won't be the kind of person who has a barbeque to celebrate the Queen, and I'm definitely not going to be the kind of person sitting and spending days on end watching the Olympics whenever the hell it is. But, I will possibly be buying some cute Union Jack merchandise from Accessorise. They have cute London bus necklaces.

100 Awesome Things - Part 2

Continuing my 100 Awesome Things series of posts. Here's 11-20.
11. The Muppets

How can anyone not love The Muppets?? My Kermit the Frog mug brought me endless cups of tea that were made that little bit better just by the fact it was in a Kermit the Frog mug...no wonder no one wants to go out drinking with me. Recently realised that Pepé is actually one of my favourite Muppets. Oh, hell with it, they're all my favourite. The movie with Jason Segel was adorably cute - and I particularly loved Jim Parsons' (Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) cameo during the Man or Muppet number, which btw, is on my iPod.

12. The sense of excitement when you see you have a Facebook notification.
Okay, it's probably just me. That optimistic feeling that someone cares. Just me? Okay then. Although the Android app now gives you notifications when people you regularly interact with update their status. Stupid false hope.

13. Cats
I grew up with cats, and they really make your family. We had my Ozzy for six years before we sadly lost him.

14. Penguins
It's a known fact among many people who know me that  I love penguins. Pingu was always a childhood favourite. And lucky for me, Liam recently adopted me my own for my birthday.

15. The Fudge Factory
One of my favourite places is the Fudge Factory in Bath. I have never tasted such awesome fudge. If you're ever in Bath, seriously, go there. I reccomend the vanilla chocolate chip. Or, go to their website, www.sanfransiscofudge.co.uk.

16. The feeling of acomplishment when you complete an assignment
That feeling of freedom once you hit 'submit' or walk away from the assignment office empty handed. Probably the only thing I enjoy about being a student. That and a nice 10% off (sometimes 20) by flashing your ID card.

17. Sheer happiness and not giving a shit when you're drunk
We've all done it. When you get spectacularly pissed (not A&E or puking in the gutter pissed) and there is that amazing feeling where you just don't give a crap about anything else. You're just there, enjoying the moment and not worrying about the god-awful hangover you'll have in the morning.

18. Being complimented
We all love it, although most of us never know how to respond to one. Saying "thanks" and just leaving it at that or "I know right?!" just makes you seem smug, while saying "really? I think I look shit" (or whatever negative comment about yourself that applies to the context) makes you appear as if you're totally dismissing that person's most likely genuine compliment. But still, it's nice to get them.

19. When someone is genuinely nice
I get this at work now and again, speaking to customers on the phone isn't a very interesting task, but it really makes me smile when I speak to someone on the phone and they're genuinely grateful, or just plain nice. Makes my job more pleasant and it genuinely brightens my day.

20. An old cuddly toy when you feel like crap
I've had my Snoozy (a 'Little Snoozem' - I cannot find a picture of my one anywhere, not even on eBay) since I was 5 years old and she still sits on my bedside table. A cuddle from an inanimate toy when you feel like crap somehow makes you feel better. 

Farewell Wisteria Lane

If you're in the US, you would have seen the last ever episode of Desperate Housewives last night. However, if you're in the UK, you'll unfortunately have to wait a week or two more. Unless you're like me, and resort to watching online. Anyway, I was 12 years old when I started watching back in 2004. I remember, being sat on the sofa with my mum, who said "watch this, watch this! I heard on Richard and Judy it was good!" (anyone remember Richard and Judy? Shows how long ago this was), and it went from there. So in theory, I have my mum and I also have Richard and Judy to thank form getting me started.

Anyway, to celebrate DH having an 8 year run, I'm going to list ten of my most memorable moments from the whole series. Yeah, sad I know. But that's me.  I may give away a spoiler or two, just to warn you, but I'll try not to divulge too much. Either, way, scroll slowly.

Lynette gets baked - S4E3 The Game
Stella, Lynette's mother wants to help her daughter cope with the effects of chemo better, so she bakes her a batch of - unknowingly to Lynette - pot brownies. After eating a few, Lynette feels well enough to go to Susan's charades party, where she has to act out Hang Em High - with Edie in the room, and the subject of her suicide by hanging attempt is still one that's not talked about.

Showdown between Carlos and Gaby S3E7 Bang
Carlos and Gaby's divorce negotiations get to the point where they both end up trashing their house - Gaby calls it "helping you pack," as she smashes expensive items, Carlos calls it "helping you remodel the house," as he smashes the wall in with a hammer.

Susan and Mike get married  S3E23 Getting Married Today

 After 3 years of dragging their romance out, Susan and Mike finally tied the knot in the woods. However, we were so wrong when we thought they'd live happily ever after.

Bree's lap dance- S6E15 Lovely
Arrival of stripper, Robin on the lane gets everyone talking,  and she inspires Bree to try and spice things up with recently wheelchair bound Orson, with a lap dance - to classical music, obviously.  Needless to say, it doesn't go well.

Lynette and Tom get back together  S8E22 Give Me the Blame
After a whole year of "will they-won't they," Tom and Lynette finally get back together after Tom admits he's still in love with Lynette. It would have sucked if they split, they were the only married couple to stay together for the whole run. Sort of.   
 

Susan says goodbye to Mike  S8E17 Women and Death
Officially winning the prize for saddest episode ever, Susan saying goodbye to Mike was one of the most heartbreaking scenes I've ever seen, Renee's version of Amazing Grace and Susan's final goodbye of "I love you once, I love you twice, I love you more than beans and rice" make for one of the saddest moments in DH history.

Susan's karaoke disaster S1E11 Move On

Susan invites Karl to Julie's birthday party at an open mic piano bar, who also invites Edie, who announces that there was an 'incident' between them while he and Susan were still married. This doesn't come at the right time, as Susan ends up challenging her anger into her rendition of New York, New York.

Gaby Vs Carlos  S4E11 Sunday
Gaby's mad at Carlos for lying to her about his blindness being permanent, and gets her payback by serving him dogfood and leaving things in his way.

Eli Scruggs - S5E13 The Best Thing That Could Have Ever Happened
While the 100th episode is probably my favourite episode of DH, the final scene where the ladies gather round handyman Eli Scruggs' coffin left me with a lump in my throat, particularly Bree fixing the flower arrangement saying "I wanted to do something nice for Eli for a change."
 
Hostages released from the supermarket S3E7 Bang

Another totally memorable episode, the final scene where Susan and Julie reuinite and Lynette is reunited with Tom gave the first "disaster episode" an emotional ending.



While there's many more moments I've loved throughout the 8 years, these are my personal favourites. DH has made me laugh, made me cry and has been one of my favourite shows since I was 12 years old, and I am genuinely sad to see it go.

Adverts

There's some pretty good adverts on at the moment. My personal favourite is Zingy (the EDF adverts). Particularly this version:

How cute is that? I honestly could watch it for hours, but then again, I have no social life.  Anyway, despite there being plenty of advertising awesomeness out on British TV at the moment, there's some that are really grating on my nerves, and I've stocked up a collection of them to share my annoyances.

Natwest - Transfer Money from your Mobile

 

"We can't look after your daughter. Or find her lost cash. Or explain why she can't pay her hotel bill." No, Daddy can. Daddy pays for everything. Daddy pays for her to go to uni. Daddy pays for her to go on a gap year rather than getting her to enter the real world and get a job to earn money for uni. Despite Daddy being her own personal cash machine, he still hasn't taught her to keep her cash safe while travelling. Helpful tip for her: keep emergency cash in your bra. True story.

Kingsmill - Lettuce and Ham

I couldn't find the video on YouTube for this, but found it through TellyAds. Basically, Dad, out of the goodness of his heart, makes his son a ham and lettuce sandwich. The child looks at it like his Dad is a complete idiot. "You asked for ham and lettuce" says Dad. "No, I asked for lettuce and ham. Mum always puts the lettuce on first" says the fussy little shit.  Oh, remember the days where the only thing you had to worry about was which order the ingredients of your sandwich were presented in? (God forbid the HAM WAS PUT IN BEFORE THE LETTUCE!! OH THE HUMANITY!) And when Mum and Dad pandered to your every need, even when you spoke to them like total idiots even though you were only 8 years old? Ah, the good old days.

The Health Counter.com - Sponsor of Embarassing Bodies

For those who are EB fans, you will have seen these at the beginning and end of each ad break. Generic family life, who occasionally need shit you'd buy from a pharmacy. These include scenarios such as 'teenage daughter walks through kitchen with her face in her jumper, and Mum says "spot cream!' and 'Dad sets himself on fire (sort of) while trying to light the barbeque, and Mum says "burn cream!' These are bareable. The one I want to make a dig at is the 'Mum hangs around outside toilet and listens to whoever's in there grunting while taking a crap and says "laxatives!"' Seriously? Not only is this a bit  much for an advert, but who the hell stands outside the toilet listening to their family members parking their breakfast?! Jesus. And, for the record, laxatives will do the complete opposite. They won't "maintain your regularity" one little bit. You'd think they'd make things a bit more specific what with it being a health show and all that. Mum should be saying "high fibre diet!"

Tesco - Everyday Value Potatoes

 

 "We say a big thank you, everyday potato, for always being the spud we love." Jesus, if you get all patriotic over a fucking potato, then you're going to be insufferable come the Olympics and the Jubilee. At the end of the day, it's a potato. Yes, you can do a million things with it, mash it, chip it, roast it, throw it at someone, whatever, but is there really any need to thank it? If you thank your potatoes for 'just being them,' then you have serious problems and I suggest you seek psychiatric help.

Kids: Don't aspire to be a doctor or a lawyer, just pin all your hopes and dreams on a TV reality show instead!

So it's that time of year when Britain's Got Talent is back on our screens, and while we all enjoy a laugh at the nutters who make a complete dick out of themselves for genuinely thinking they're talented or simply for a bet with their mates or whatever stupid ass reason they've gone on there for, there is one thing about this show that irritates me to shit, and that is the fact there's no age limit.

While some of the kids that go on there are genuinely talented, no argument, its not fair nor right that young kids should be allowed on there. It's not fair to put so much pressure on a child, and it just teaches them to be unrealistic. Yes, its important to teach children to aim high and reach for the stars and all that shit, but what percentage of people actually make it in the music industry? A very small one.

If singing's what kids want to do, by all means give it a go and don't give up, but just finish school first. It's ridiculous that kids go on at age 9, sometimes younger, I get that they  do still go to school, but they're not going to be fully focused are they? Like X Factor, there should be a minimum age of 16 for BGT, so at the very least kids can finish their GCSEs first. While I sound like a dick and someone who's just jealous and blah blah blah, it just makes sense to have a couple of minimum qualifications under your belt if and when the music career goes to shit.

It also seems a bit silly that if a child wins it they can't even stay up to be interviewed on the ITV2 show because they're underage, not only that, but they're also too young to have a celebratory drink at the end of it too. Although I suppose a couple of them have a cheeky WKD in their dressing room if the nerves get too much.

Still, it goes without saying that we do indeed have some pretty talented kids in this country. Still, I wouldn't vote for a child act for these very reasons. LOVEABLE ROGUES TO WIN!