Lifescouts: Zoo Badge

I've been gutted that so many of the Lifescouts badges are things I haven't done - it just goes to show I'm an incredibly boring person.

This month is animal month and the first badge was the Zoo badge. I will try my very best to not sound like an 8 year old at show and tell: I WENT TO THE ZOO AND THERE WERE LOTS OF ANIMALS. HAHAHA.

I've only ever been to the zoo about 5 times. Mainly because the only animals I ever liked were domestic ones, cats mainly. My Dad was the person who took me on my first zoo trip, I think I was 10 or something and we went to Bristol Zoo, not that I remember it all that well. The best part was Seal and Penguin Coast, obvs.

There was a school trip I vaguely remember for art GCSE where we went to Bristol zoo but we weren't allowed to enjoy ourselves, we had to draw every animal we saw otherwise our teacher went insane. Well, my one did. But once you know how to draw a penguin and a parrot or two, you can pretty much cheat your way out of it by saying that's what you want to focus on. I remember we went into this education centre too and they brought out this huge tortoise. That was pretty awesome.

Penguin Bay at Dudley Zoo

My next zoo trip wasn't actually till last year when Liam adopted me Pingu the Penguin for my birthday and we went to Dudley Zoo, which I've mentioned in previous blogs. As much as I like Bristol Zoo, Dudley will always top it for me because their penguin bit is amazing. If you're ever near there, seriously, go. It's awesome. They have the cutest baby meerkats there too at the moment. And owls. And parrots. The parrots are beautiful. There's one place I didn't go though, and never will. That is the reptile house. I don't mind lizards and what not, but show me a snake and I would rather you beat it to death against the wall. Not that I'd even do it myself, because I hate the idea of touching one. Unlike my Dad who once stroked one when he took me to this nature centre once, who then pulled my hand onto it. Surprisingly, they're not slimey, but ewww hate the things.

So that's my zoo story. Conclusions: go visit Dudley Zoo, or Bristol. Whichever's nearest. But don't go on a school trip to one for GCSE art if you have a bitch of teacher. You will not have fun.

SNOW!

Don't worry, this isn't a stupidly, annoyingly chirpy blog post all about snow and how awesome it is. It's a stupidly and trying very hard to be amusing blog post all about snow and how shit it is.

It happens every year: the whole country comes to a standstill over a bit of snow. While I enjoyed the fact that on Friday I didn't have to go to uni and that I got to leave work an hour early yesterday, I do not enjoy the constant rush of people panic buying, my post being delayed (not that I ever get anything - I'm still at that age where it's exciting to get post), and the fact that there is nothing to do at work.

I have a brother who lives in Canada, and from the pictures I've seen, they get so much more snow than we ever have - but things still carry on over there. Today, 90 schools in Northamptonshire were closed. I understand we need to keep the children safe and the staff can't make it in, but jeez, if we as a country were better prepared for snow then we wouldn't need to close the schools.

I hardly ever got snow days when I was at school (you cannot believe how old I feel just thinking about typing that sentance), the first one I got was in year 12. While it was nice to have a day off, my school wasn't the most organised - which resulted in me walking in carrying a fuck-off psychology textbook (900 pages I'm talking here), my folder for psychology (which was jam packed with all the sodding notes we had to take) and my DT folder; falling over multiple times, and getting to the locked gates only to be phone by my mum telling me they had literally JUST updated their website saying they were closed. Cue me arriving back home, soaking and freezing.

While I would have happily took a snow day if work decided to close, I just think its pathetic how everyone's lives have to stop because of a little sky jizz. I know it's dangerous at times and I'd rather not drive in it, but tomorrow I'm going to have to because of an agreed group contract that I signed saying we'd attend unless ill.

And what's with the constant photos on Facebook? Seriously LETS ALL TAKE PICTURES OF THE SNOW BECAUSE WE'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE AHH AWESOME! Why?! We hardly ever get nice weather but people don't take pictures of the sun shining on their cars parked in the driveway. Okay, it's a bit pretty. But I've seen snow before, and I'm sure I'll see it again.

Lifescouts: Driving Badge!

I'm a fan of Alex Day on YouTube. If you've never checked out his channel, you can do so here. He makes some pretty good videos and now and again does projects, mainly music/charity stuff. His most recent though has excited the crap out of me because it's such an awesome idea. It's called Lifescouts and is based around when kids would get scout badges for the achievenments. There's different badges for different life experiences such as hot air ballooning, playing guitar, visiting the Empire State Building etc. and the idea is if you've done what the badge represents, you retweet/repost/Facebook it with your experience, so people get to find out your story. And, even cooler, you can buy them too. You can watch the video of it here and check out the badges here. I don't have a Tumblr account (well I do, but I don't use it that often), so I'll just be reposting the badges I've 'achieved' on here.

I'm pretty gutted to find out I've only done one of the experiences so far. And that's one that probably everyone else has done. And that's driving. Passing my test took a hell of a lot of effort and mentally fucked me for a while. I passed my test 4th time, over 3 driving instructors, over 2 and a half years. I can't even bear to think how much money was spent, but those are the statistics I'm sticking with.

I passed my theory test 4 months after I started learning to drive (told you I was a slow learner) but didn't book my test until July that following year. I failed. The most annoying part? 7 minor faults, but I ended up with 2 major faults, involving changing lanes on a roundabout and clipping a wingmirror down a narrow street. Not going to lie, I was crushed and cried my eyes out the second I got home. But because I was going to uni in September, I still wanted to pass, so I managed to get a cancellation for the 13th of September - the day before I moved out to Northampton.

Again - failed. 10 minors but failed on steering and control of the car when I mounted the kerb pulling out of a junction. Cried a lot again, but quickly forgot about it with the stress of moving away to uni.

It wasn't till January that following year that I started learning again because I spent a while trying to work out if I could afford it. I eventually started learning again in Northampton, which is hard, I must say. I ended up booking my test for July - which, surprise, surprise, I failed. This time with 4 minors. And the annoying thing was that I didn't think I'd done anything wrong - even now I can't actually remember what I failed on. I can look at the forms in my drawer, but that requires effort. But it was probably a steering fault knowing me.

I was beginning to lose all hope given that in September my theory test was going to expire (yes, I had really dragged it out for that long), but I was lucky enough to get a cancellation on the 13th September, exactly a year after I failed the second one.

Shitting myself immensely and anxious to the point where I was physically shaking, I got into the car with the examiner knowing this was it. Although he was much nicer than the previous three. I remember distinctly, it was going rather well until he pulled me over and asked me to do the left reverse. I cocked it up so badly I ended up on the other side of the road. Instead of fucking it up even more, I asked if I could take a minute to pull myself together. And bless this lovely guy, he told me to calm down and even said "I haven't failed you" and actually began to help me by giving me hints on where to steer.

When we got back to the test centre I was sure I'd failed, given that there was another 20 minutes of the test left after I had my panic and I was just making so many mistakes. When he said "so, that's the end of the test" I instantly cut him off with "OH GOD I'VE FAILED HAVEN'T I?!" on the verge of tears. I distinctly remember his exact words as being "I'll pass you." Just relief. Everywhere. Again, I can't remember exactly, but I think I passed with 7 minors. And I will always be grateful that I had such a lovely examiner.

The day my pink licence came through the door (as sad as this sounds) I was so happy. I genuinely felt like a grown up. Despite the fact I can just about park and that I haven't done a left reverse since my test, or a reverse park since before my test, I am proud of the fact I eventually did it. Although now I'm paranoid about speed cameras, seeing them as evil things that just live to take my precious licence away from me. Not that I do speed, ever, but when you suffer from a phobia that causes you to have occasional bouts of OCD, your mind gets a bit compulsive about the important things. To this day I see my driving licence as my most expensive possession. It's genuinely the most expensive thing I own given the amount of money spent to get it.

So, (and I hope I don't jinx things by doing this) I am proud to say that I have well and truly earned my driving badge.

2012: A Review

Third year in a row that I'm keeping my tradition of my yearly NYE review. As per usual, I don't give a crap about what actually happened - the fact we hosted the Olympics and held a party for an old lady all at taxpayer's expense while we were in a double dip recession, the BBC being exposed as a massive paedo club (I can just see them now "First rule of Paedo Club - NEVER talk about Paedo Club") and filthy scumbag shits not washing their hands and spreading norovirus round to most of the population, and  of course, the end of the world on the 21st of December - yes, we've never had a dull moment in this year's news.

1. 3 Year Anniversary - Liam and I made it to three years on the 14th of February. And in 2 months time, it'll be 4 :)
2. Contact lenses mishap - After 14 years of wearing glasses and me gaining a job in an optician's, I finally decided to try contact lenses. Monthly lenses to be exact. I lasted for just over a week when suddenly my eye became sore and watery...while I was at work serving customers. Me being an idiot and forgetting my glasses, I had to leave them in until I couldn't stand it anymore and had to get Liam to bring them to me. When I went to take them out upstairs I was persuaded by a colleague to get the optician to check it - lucky I did, as I was sent to casualty with an ulcer. After 2 hours of waiting in eye casualty I was given antibiotic drops and allowed to go home. So I won't be trying them for a while...at least not monthlies. Eeh, either way I look ill without glasses.

Drinks for my Birthday at The Pilot

3. Jimmy Carr - In April Liam and I went to see Jimmy Carr in Northampton. It was a brilliant evening and we met him afterwards and he was so lovely.
4. Celebrated my 20th Birthday - In May I officially became an adult (as even when you're 18 and 19, you're still a teenager apparently - bollocks). In true adult fashion, I went to work and treated it like a normal day.
5.  Became adopter of a penguin - For my birthday Liam gave me a brilliant present, my very own penguin, Pingu, at Dudley Zoo. While I never got to see which one exactly was him, I got to stroke one at their adopters event.
6. End of Desperate Housewives - While I said I didn't give a crap about current events, this was worthy to me as I've been watching DH since I was 12 years old and was so sad to see it go. Still, the Christmas money from my Dad went towards the Season 8 boxset so my collection's nearly completed.

Elliot the Penguin - Hand reared at Dudley Zoo so she loved the attention!

7. Passed 2nd year of uni - Despite another year of bitching and whining, I managed to pass all 9 modules of my second year at university. So it's a bit pointless to quit now.
8. Dissertation misery - I began my dissertation shortly after exams finished on CBT and vomit phobia, luckily I have a supervisor who's worked with sufferers before, so I'm in good hands. Just have to hope to god I do well.
9. EMDR - Part of my third year involved a course of EMDR (Eye movement desensitisation reprocessing) for my vomit phobia. I'll save you the long story...it didn't work too well.
10. Russell Kane - Liam and I went to see Russell Kane in November and as with most comedy events we go to, it was really good. Unfortunately we never got to meet him as he had to dash off to Leicester.
11. Became slightly more successful at work - Last month I was signed off of my first training course at work meaning I can now do single vision dispenses and adjustments/collections etc. May not mean much to you, but I'm so proud of myself for it.
12. I became an auntie again - My new neice Rose was born on the 7th December in British Columbia and I'm so happy for my brother Sean and his wife Siobhan. She's adorably cute and I look forward to meeting her via Skype in the new year.
13. Irrational norovirus hatred - Unfortunately given the media having nothing newsworthy to talk about I became an irrational, obsessive mess all over Christmas after the heavily documented norovirus outbreak was shoved down everyone's throats. Although, if it weren't for disgusting scumbags of the great British public not washing their hands after using the toilet, there wouldn't be a norovirus outbreak for the media to shove down people's throats. If I give you one piece of advice EVER, it's this: WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS.

Kerms - My frog puppet

14. Christmas - After 4 months of working my ass off and edging on burnout, we finally went home for Christmas. And despite the irrational obessiveness thanks to this god awful vomit phobia, it was pretty good. Presents included a My Keepon and my very own puppet.

So 2012 hasn't been a bad year, as we've not quite got anything planned, I'm not sure what there is to look forward to although I have 2 things in mind:
1. Graduation and all the perks - I cannot wait to get out of that crappy hell hole of a university. While I'm not looking forward to standing up in front of a bunch of people and walking onto a stage with a (let's face it, it's me) very high possibility of falling over, in May, it'll all be over. Thank Christ.
2. Leaving Northampton - While I've made a small number of good friends and uni and I enjoy my job, I won't be unbelievably sad to leave Northampton behind. I will be sad to say goodbye to the friends I made and the lovely people I've worked with, but it'll be nice to move back to Wiltshire. Hopefully.

Seven 'Student Essentials' that really aren't 'Student Essentials'

Most people know I'm a fan of pissing away my money on various online shopping sites. So when it came for my daily bargain check of one of them, I obviously had a look at the 'Student Essentials' section that was advertised. While some of it was appropriate, like study guides, stationary, kitchen bits etc, some of it really wasn't. So, here's my pick of seven 'student essentials' that just aren't.

1. The iPad
While I love my iPod I feel it's incredibly stupid to waste so much money on something that's basically a huge iPhone that you can't make phonecalls on. Before any Apple fans slate my ass, I do know it's 'so much more than that' but seriously, as a student, if you've got a laptop and a phone - why do you need an iPad? No student would have the money to buy an iPad when going back to uni, and if you do, mummy and daddy help you out far too much.

2. 'Fanny and Face' towel
Similar to the 'arse and face' towel, this is aimed at the ladies. However, I know no female that would be willing to use this lets say...properly. And lets face it, if you really do take the 'fanny and face' part seriously, then you're probably not the kind of girl that goes to university, you're more the get a job in Poundland and spending your weekends being fingered round the back of Tesco type.

3. Espresso machine
I have been in several student houses and halls since starting university and I have NEVER seen an espresso machine in them. Again, if you spend £67 on an espresso machine while forking out extortionate textbook prices and your rent, you're an idiot. What's wrong with just chucking a bit of Nescafé into a mug and pouring some water on it?

4. £20 toaster
Yes, all students need a toaster. But ours cost £6 in Tesco and it works FINE. Moral: don't spend £20 on a toaster.

5. Anti-virus software
Yes, if you're a boy at uni and you're the creepy type who prefers their girlfriends to be on RedTube rather than actually going out and meeting people, you'll probably need some good anti-virus software. But £70 for one? You are aware if you look around you can not only get them cheaper, but you can get them for free right?

6. Kitten heel ankle boots
I'm not even joking - this was in the student essentials section. Yes, I hold my hands up and say that I've spent a vast majority of my student loan on shoes and clothes, but I most certainly would not consider it an essential.

7. Moleskine notebook 
The world's most expensive notebook. Yes they're pretty, and fancy and the paper's all nice, but really? £20 on a notebook? If you spend £20 on a notebook, it just really REALLY makes me want to punch you. However, if someone bought me one, I wouldn't exactly say no.

The YouTube Survey 2012 - In Blog Form.

So there's this annual thing on YouTube, known as the YouTube Survey, where video bloggers answer random questions. I don't have a video blog, mainly because I tried it once and not only did I look like shit, I hated the sound of my own voice and had nothing worth while to talk to a camera about. A blog is easier as you don't have to worry about what you look like (I could be naked right now, but rest assured, I'm not), you don't have to wait for an empty house to make it (which is what I'd do, the only time I don't feel like a dick when talking into a camera is when Skyping) and I don't have to edit it with the volume barely up so I don't have to hear my voice. Yes, I am fully aware that I have confidence issues. So anyway, here are my answers to the YouTube survey in blog form.

1. Why are you called that?
Funny story, my name was originally going to be April Marina Joyce. Marina is my Nan's name, and I personally love it. As for the name April: my Mum was a fan of Dallas back then (and still is, which makes buying Christmas presents easy - although I'm screwed by the time I complete her collection) and was going to name me after the character April Ewing. However, my Mum's nan (my great-grandmother) had the middle name May, and she wanted to name me after her. As you can probably gather, April May would have not been the best idea, so she went with Amy May. I still have no idea where Amy came from though. And funnily enough, I was born on the 4th of yes, you guessed it, May. Obviously, the surname was also my Mum's surname, or rather, was at the time. I'm thankful that my name wasn't Audrey actually, as the 4th of May was also actress Audrey Hepburn's birthday, and Breakfast at Tiffany's was one of her favourite movies.

2. Tell us about your favourite school teacher.
My favourite school teacher differed over the years. In primary school, it was Mrs Cox, my year 3 teacher, because she was just lovely and she was really funny. In secondary school, it was probably my tutor, Mrs Chaffey. She was my tutor for 7 years, through all of secondary school and sixth form, and she also taught me for GCSE food and child development, and then again for A-level food. She was just a brilliant teacher, she took a lot of crap from certain kids in my class, and she helped me out a lot when I was being bullied. She also helped me out a hell of a lot come my final A-level food project, which if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have gotten an A, and she wrote my reference to get into university, which I still have somewhere. A close second was my English lit teacher for A-level, Mr Harding because he was a great laugh and his lessons were always so chilled, and he was just a really nice guy.

3. What's the strangest food you've ever eaten?

Tammy's Japanese themed 17th birthday

Attractive.

Due to tummy issues, I don't tend to eat strange food. The weirdest was probably my friend Tammy's homemade sushi, which I think was tuna wrapped in seaweed which we had for her 17th birthday.  I'm not sure how it went down with everyone, I can't quite remember,  but I do remember, we had a really good evening. One of many good evenings that we had back in those days.

4. Tell us about your first gig.
First ever ever gig that I went to was the Rock Concert at school. 2003/2004 I think it was. Looking back it was incredibly shit. I don't know if it should count, as my Mum paid for my tickets and was our lift for the evening. That was probably the only music gig I went to that I can remeber. In terms of first gig that I paid for myself and didn't have to rely on my parents for transport was Dara O'Briain's "This is the Show" tour. 

5. What's your favourite place in the world?

I've not really been to any places to be considered 'amazing' as most of them that people would consider amazing are abroad and I'm shit scared to get on a plane. However, my current favourite place in the world is Penguin Bay at Dudley Zoo. It's awesome, you can get right up close to them, and it's just the most amazing thing to watch.  For my birthday this year, Liam adopted me Pingu, their oldest penguin. I was also given 2 free tickets for a day there, where we also met Elliot, one of their hand reared penguins, and I recently went to their adopter's day where I met and got to stroke another one of their hand reared penguins, Peter. It was to this day, one of the best days of my life. Right up there with seeing Russell Howard and Lee Evans, getting engaged and the Year 11 summer prom.

6. Who do you want to complete the survey next?
Frankly, I couldn't care less. I just like doing surveys myself.

Adverts 2.0

Given that my last Adverts piss take went reasonably well, I've been closely watching another lot of ad breaks and keeping my rants safely hidden until I had enough material to produce another blog. Well, here goes:

Oh, and I'm very pissed of that EDF's last advert didn't have Zingy in it.

1. Clover 

We've had to endure this timeless piece of horse manure for many, many years now. And because of its infernal repetition like a bad case of cystitis, one of its' versions is permanently stuck in my head. My argument is this: IT'S BUTTER. It's not a much loved TV character or a funny pet, it's a food item that you spread on toast. Is there really any need to sing about it? About how much you love it and how it makes your life that much better? I've never come home from a shit day and thought "you know what would make this day better? A crumpet with some Clover on it, that would just get rid of all my problems." No, when I've had a shit day, I reach for the vodka, which I'm sure we all do more than we reach for a tub of over-priced, no better tasting than cheap own brand shit, toast accompaniment.

2. Oreo - The Explanation

We've all seen this charmingly cute advert before (not that I think it's cute, I personally hate all kinds of adverts that use children to endorse them), but if you haven't, it's a little girl telling her Dad how to eat an Oreo, but she won't let the poor bastard have one. First of all, this is not how you eat an Oreo. You do not twist it and lick it, that's disgusting. Why would you want to eat something covered in your own saliva, THEN dipped in milk? Yes when you eat something it gets covered in it anyway, but you don't take it out of your mouth, think "oh, that's gonna taste so much better now I've chewed it and mixed it with my bodily fluids." Ew. No, the way to eat an Oreo is: unwrap it, eat it. Secondly, whenever I patronised my parents, I got a bollocking. Thirdly, "don't laugh, it's VERY hard" - because everything is when you're five isn't it? (Also, the exact same thing her father said to her mother on the night of her conception). And finally - "can I try?" "I don't think you're ready yet." - would the advert be made more amusing if after she said this the Dad went "you're adopted." And then fade out with the classic "Only Oreo" in the corner of the screen.

3. Dairylea
This must be a relatively new advert as I can't find a link to it anywhere. But the jist is basically kids playing with lunchables, making them talk and what not. When I was that age, I was punished if I made my food talk. Or played with it in any way, shape or form for that matter. No wonder kids these days are idiots if the food they eat is modelled by kids their own age who make ham puppets.