Well, its NYE and thought I'd re-cap 2010. Yeah, nice. 2010 has had a lot of ups and downs, some of it has been pretty damn awesome, while some of it has been just plain shit. Here's just a list of some of the stuff that happened to me this year.
1. Liam and I got engaged. 11.23pm on Christmas Eve. I couldn't be happier and I'm very lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend.
2. Got a B in my first ever university essay.
3. Endured several weeks of university filled with crying and complaining that I had no friends and just generally hated it.
4. Moved in with Liam after months of being scared it wouldn't happen, but now living in a rather nice flat in Northampton.
5. Failed my second driving test
6. Got into my chosen course at The University of Northampton
7. Passed all my exams with grades that are sharable - English Lit-C, Psychology-B and Food Tech-A
8. Failed my first driving test - but only got 5 minors.
9. Went on a week long holiday to Dawlish with 8 friends intending to get massively pissed, but actually had several nights of being sober and just having general chats, but still had a great time
10. Endured awful exams - all of which were essay based and published by AQA - whom I didn't trust after the biology exam everyone complained about!
11. Went through several weeks of exposure therapy for my vomit phobia after my mum ranted to a doctor about it and got me some counselling. Never completed it, but just got to the stage where I could watch a video where someone is almost sick. Hm. Don't think it helped that much.
12. Celebrated my 18th birthday with a meal at The Somerset Arms and a party. Also got over £600 worth of birthday money, 80% of which I drank due to the fact I was now old enough to go out. I missed that once I went to uni...
13. Said goodbye to my beautiful baby, my cat Ozzy, after he was hit by a car. He broke his jaw and had severe injuries to his face. Vet was optimistic he'd get better but after a week he still couldn't eat for himself and we were forced to have him put down, just a week before his 6th birthday, and my 18th. Rest in peace Ozzy, I still miss you.
14. Saw Dara O'Brian live at the Bristol Hippodrome
15. Endured awful stomach aches, which led to blood tetsts, some IBS tablets, and my mum having to go to the doctors with me for the first time in years.
16. Celebrated being with Liam for a year on Valentine's Day with a meal and roses
17. Had my brace removed and for the first time in over 10 years, I was able to smile in photos!
18. Rung in the 2010 completely sober, but merry, with Liam and several other friends, after an evening of playing Singstar and Buzz, and not having to worry about anyone throwing up!
So, aside from a few glitches, I think this year went rather well. Hoping 2011 is vomit and stress free! Although I'm a student, so there will probably be a fuckload of stress. A few things I have to look forward to in 2011...
1. Seeing Russell Howard at the LG Arena in Birmingham in February
2. Celebrating 2 years being with Liam on Valentine's day
3. Seeing Ed Byrne in Northampton in April
4. Celebrating my 19th birthday, also with a possible exam resit depending on how well I did a few weeks ago
5. Hopefully getting a job
6. Making some friends properly and just not being a general twat.
7. Starting driving lessons again, although that depends on when I get a job
8. Completing my first year of university (hopefully - if I don't pussy out at any stage)
9. Finishing one or two modules that I can't stand
10. Next Christmas :)
Friday, 31 December 2010
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Brief update
It's been a while since I last wrote, so here goes. So basically, I gave up with my exposure therapy. Mainly because I was never contacted to get another appointment because the system at my old GP surgery was lets face it, fucked up.
Anyway, I got into the University of Northampton with some surprisingly good grades, and I'm now living in a privately rented flat with my boyfriend. Aah, all grown up now.
Anywho, in terms of uni, things are moderate. I've had some serious ups and downs in the last couple of weeks, in terms of making friends and getting on with the work. The course I actually haven't found that bad, just one module involves far too much maths for my liking (for those interested, I'm studying BSc Psychology and Counselling). In terms of friendships, I don't believe that the friends you make at uni are your friends for life. Mainly due to the fact I haven't made any proper ones and I'm having more contact with my friends at home. Everyone I've spoken to has said that if I stick it out a bit further, things will change, but lets face it, it's been over 3 months now. I have been hanging around with a group of lovely people, but I'm very cautious to use the word friends as I don't want to jinx things. If things keep up after Christmas, I may begin to use that term. People I hung round with at the beginning of the year were slowly referred to as friends but once I did this, I began to feel very left out and excluded, so I'm not exactly with them anymore, aside from brief hellos in the corridoors.
I think things would have been different if I'd either been in halls or a shared house. I mean, I didn't want to do that mainly because I was worried about people nicking my stuff (and yes I will also admit I was scared of any girls nicking my boyfriend because I'm a paranoid freak) and just generally being all up in my space. But in the last few months I've been seeing how close people are in their flat groups and I do begin to think I would have made some really good friends if I'd gone into halls. Don't get me wrong, I really don't regret moving in with my boyfriend, it's brilliant, and it's nice to always have someone to come home to - I'm trying to look at it from this way: I could be in halls with 8 other girls (and girls can be very bitchy) and have absolutely no friends, or I could be in a private flat, have no friends on campus, but an amazing, lovely boyfriend to come home to when I've had such a crap day. A massive thank-you to him for putting up wth so much of my tantrums and being miserable on a day to day basis!
Anyway, I got into the University of Northampton with some surprisingly good grades, and I'm now living in a privately rented flat with my boyfriend. Aah, all grown up now.
Anywho, in terms of uni, things are moderate. I've had some serious ups and downs in the last couple of weeks, in terms of making friends and getting on with the work. The course I actually haven't found that bad, just one module involves far too much maths for my liking (for those interested, I'm studying BSc Psychology and Counselling). In terms of friendships, I don't believe that the friends you make at uni are your friends for life. Mainly due to the fact I haven't made any proper ones and I'm having more contact with my friends at home. Everyone I've spoken to has said that if I stick it out a bit further, things will change, but lets face it, it's been over 3 months now. I have been hanging around with a group of lovely people, but I'm very cautious to use the word friends as I don't want to jinx things. If things keep up after Christmas, I may begin to use that term. People I hung round with at the beginning of the year were slowly referred to as friends but once I did this, I began to feel very left out and excluded, so I'm not exactly with them anymore, aside from brief hellos in the corridoors.
I think things would have been different if I'd either been in halls or a shared house. I mean, I didn't want to do that mainly because I was worried about people nicking my stuff (and yes I will also admit I was scared of any girls nicking my boyfriend because I'm a paranoid freak) and just generally being all up in my space. But in the last few months I've been seeing how close people are in their flat groups and I do begin to think I would have made some really good friends if I'd gone into halls. Don't get me wrong, I really don't regret moving in with my boyfriend, it's brilliant, and it's nice to always have someone to come home to - I'm trying to look at it from this way: I could be in halls with 8 other girls (and girls can be very bitchy) and have absolutely no friends, or I could be in a private flat, have no friends on campus, but an amazing, lovely boyfriend to come home to when I've had such a crap day. A massive thank-you to him for putting up wth so much of my tantrums and being miserable on a day to day basis!
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Why is this art?
Okay, so as you may or may not know, I have emetophobia, which is the fear of vomiting, and I am currently undergoing exposure therapy to try and kick it before I go off to uni. For a more detailed insight to my experiences, you can visit my other blog: http://emetophobiadiary.blogspot.com/
Anyway, exposure therapy involves creating a hierachy of things that go from something that would provoke the least anxiety (so in my case, vegetable soup) all the way up to something that would lead you to go into a complete state of panic (someone throwing up on me or near me). Anyway, my recent task was 'implied vomiting' such as in Scrubs when people throw up and you don't see it, just hear the audio. My counsellor found me a video on YouTube which wasn't like that, but involved a girl infront of white background sticking her fingers down her throat trying to induce vomiting. And this was a three minute video. As I watched this several things occured to me:
1. There are some very disturbed people on the internet.
2. People will almost undoubtedly do anything for money. Although there is not enough money in the world you could pay me to make myself sick.
3. How the hell did this girl go for so long without making herself sick?!
I had to watch this video 6 times in total before I was basically okay with it. In that time this clip actually had a title "Sick Film." My 'homework' for this week is basically to watch it on and off until my next session. I went to watch it today and in the description found that this is the first scene of an actual film, which, after some curiosity and a bit of Googling (with my glasses off in case there were images!) I discovered is a 20 minute "art" project by a man named Martin Creed, and this consists of 19 clips of people vomiting which was filmed on a completely closed set, even without the director, and this was actually shown in a theatre in London in 2006. Again, several things came to mind:
1. How in the world is vomiting 'art?' It is a bodily function that is not only disgusting but inconvinient.
2. Why would people pay to watch 20 minutes of different people vomiting? Surely there are better things to spend your money on?
3. Why would people be willing to let themselves be filmed while making themselves throw up? Are they that desperate to be an actor or do they just want to lose every ounce of dignity they have for a bit of money?
Another strange part of this is that you can also buy this on DVD if you're interested. Why you would be, I don't know, but if strangers vomiting on camera is your thing, then get your taster by YouTube-ing "sick film" and clicking on one of the first videos that comes up - white background with a random girl. I'm sure you'll find the one I mean.
Anyway, exposure therapy involves creating a hierachy of things that go from something that would provoke the least anxiety (so in my case, vegetable soup) all the way up to something that would lead you to go into a complete state of panic (someone throwing up on me or near me). Anyway, my recent task was 'implied vomiting' such as in Scrubs when people throw up and you don't see it, just hear the audio. My counsellor found me a video on YouTube which wasn't like that, but involved a girl infront of white background sticking her fingers down her throat trying to induce vomiting. And this was a three minute video. As I watched this several things occured to me:
1. There are some very disturbed people on the internet.
2. People will almost undoubtedly do anything for money. Although there is not enough money in the world you could pay me to make myself sick.
3. How the hell did this girl go for so long without making herself sick?!
I had to watch this video 6 times in total before I was basically okay with it. In that time this clip actually had a title "Sick Film." My 'homework' for this week is basically to watch it on and off until my next session. I went to watch it today and in the description found that this is the first scene of an actual film, which, after some curiosity and a bit of Googling (with my glasses off in case there were images!) I discovered is a 20 minute "art" project by a man named Martin Creed, and this consists of 19 clips of people vomiting which was filmed on a completely closed set, even without the director, and this was actually shown in a theatre in London in 2006. Again, several things came to mind:
1. How in the world is vomiting 'art?' It is a bodily function that is not only disgusting but inconvinient.
2. Why would people pay to watch 20 minutes of different people vomiting? Surely there are better things to spend your money on?
3. Why would people be willing to let themselves be filmed while making themselves throw up? Are they that desperate to be an actor or do they just want to lose every ounce of dignity they have for a bit of money?
Another strange part of this is that you can also buy this on DVD if you're interested. Why you would be, I don't know, but if strangers vomiting on camera is your thing, then get your taster by YouTube-ing "sick film" and clicking on one of the first videos that comes up - white background with a random girl. I'm sure you'll find the one I mean.
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Why is everything changing so fast?!
Okay, it's seriously beginning to freak me out how fast everything's changing. My last exam is on Wednesday and then I've totally finished school forever. Then, I need to get a job and begin flat hunting with my boyfriend in case the miracle that is me getting into university actually happens. Even though I'm 18, I really don't feel like an adult yet. I mean yeah, I do enjoy buying alcohol because I can, but I'm now running out of money. I mean it, I got over £500 for my birthday and that is now all gone on clothes and random items, as well as booking a driving test and paying for the school leavers' event, but mainly on nights out.
I'm guessing that at uni, I shall not be drinking, enjoying the random pleasures of sweets and wearing clothes that make me look moderately attractive.
One thing I'm looking forward to when exams are over is the sad prospect of just sitting somewhere comfy and reading Cosmo and Glamour. I bought both 2 weeks ago and have yet to read a single page because I've been burning myself out with revision. Yes, we have all gathered that I'm sad and don't particularly have a life, but you can entertain yourselves by laughing at me and how sad I am.
I'm guessing that at uni, I shall not be drinking, enjoying the random pleasures of sweets and wearing clothes that make me look moderately attractive.
One thing I'm looking forward to when exams are over is the sad prospect of just sitting somewhere comfy and reading Cosmo and Glamour. I bought both 2 weeks ago and have yet to read a single page because I've been burning myself out with revision. Yes, we have all gathered that I'm sad and don't particularly have a life, but you can entertain yourselves by laughing at me and how sad I am.
Friday, 9 April 2010
First Blog in a While That Complains About Nausea
So I haven't been blogging in a while, mainly due to school work and recurrent nausea, but as I have a spare moment before going out, and I'm feeling horribly nauseous once again, I thought I'd fill you in.
Anyway, since Christmas I've been having horrible stomach problems - mainly I've been feeling sick and haven't been eating properly. I've had blood tests showing that I'm neither coeliac or aneamic, and I've done trial runs into seeing if I'm lactose/dairy intolerant and its not that either. So the other option is anxiety. We all know I get worked up over the tiniest thing, so when something big happens I get even more worse than usual. I've been having counselling for the anxiety and also my sick phobia (which on top of stomach aches is no picnic when you're scared of throwing up - when I think that, I get anxious, which makes the stomach worse, in turn making me think I'm going to vomit) but it doesn't really seem to be going that well.
I've seen many many doctors, one saying that its IBS, others saying its anxiety, and one saying that it may even be in my head. Which was...nice. As I type this I feel terrible, and its not really a stomach ache, its more of an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and its just annoying because I'm due to be going out in half an hour and its to have something to eat, which I'm dreading. Ugh. I tell you, if there was such thing as a stomach transplant, I would be the first one to have it.
Anyway, since Christmas I've been having horrible stomach problems - mainly I've been feeling sick and haven't been eating properly. I've had blood tests showing that I'm neither coeliac or aneamic, and I've done trial runs into seeing if I'm lactose/dairy intolerant and its not that either. So the other option is anxiety. We all know I get worked up over the tiniest thing, so when something big happens I get even more worse than usual. I've been having counselling for the anxiety and also my sick phobia (which on top of stomach aches is no picnic when you're scared of throwing up - when I think that, I get anxious, which makes the stomach worse, in turn making me think I'm going to vomit) but it doesn't really seem to be going that well.
I've seen many many doctors, one saying that its IBS, others saying its anxiety, and one saying that it may even be in my head. Which was...nice. As I type this I feel terrible, and its not really a stomach ache, its more of an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and its just annoying because I'm due to be going out in half an hour and its to have something to eat, which I'm dreading. Ugh. I tell you, if there was such thing as a stomach transplant, I would be the first one to have it.
Sunday, 21 February 2010
The Big List Of Pet Hates
Feeling incredibly pissed off at the moment. So, in the spirit of feeling pissed off, I've come up with my list of pet hates. Enjoy and think "what a miserable twat."
1. People disappearing off MSN without saying goodbye - Yes, I understand that sometimes people's computers crash or their internet cuts, it happens to me sometimes, but jeez, it's just rude.
2. People Who Write Like This, With A Capital Letter At The Beginning Of Every Word - Usually done by girls who I don't like, and who don't like me back. For God's sake, learn some punctuation please.
3. Small Talk on MSN - "Hey." "Hi." "How you doing?" "I'm good you?" "I'm good" "Good." Ugh, it's so annoying. Especially when you don't really want to talk to that person.
4. Antibiotics - Had to take a lot of these lately and they piss me off so much. They fuck up one of the tablets I take which is annoying, they usually make me feel sick and half the time I'm always given the wrong ones.
5. Various people in my year and the year below - I won't give specific reasons why, but I will say this: grow up for God's sake!
6. The "fair enough" response - What does that even mean? Are you pissed off? Are you glad? WHAT???
7. Channel 4 putting adverts into a show 5 minutes before it ends - You get my hopes up that Desperate Housewives will be on after the adverts, then you go back to Grand Designs or some shit like that.
8. People immediately deciding they don't like me just because I swear - My mum was seeing a guy who dumped her because he didn't like me swearing. Wanker needs to understand that teenagers swear.
9. Cramped cinemas - Not a problem at the good cinemas like The Odeon, but my nearest cinema is awful for this. 2 screens and you practically have to fight for a seat if it's packed. And it's confusing which screen you're in. When I went to see New Moon, I left during the trailers to get popcorn and wandered back into 2012 by mistake.
10. Kids who think they're hard - Kids at my school are awful for this. We have girls with orange faces and Jane Norman bags and large hoop earrings, and boys swearing their heads off and beating the shit out of each other in the corridoors. And they're just the year 7s. About 20% of the kids in my school aren't like this.
There are more, obviously, but I won't go on seeing as I can't remember many more and I'm also getting quite tired.
1. People disappearing off MSN without saying goodbye - Yes, I understand that sometimes people's computers crash or their internet cuts, it happens to me sometimes, but jeez, it's just rude.
2. People Who Write Like This, With A Capital Letter At The Beginning Of Every Word - Usually done by girls who I don't like, and who don't like me back. For God's sake, learn some punctuation please.
3. Small Talk on MSN - "Hey." "Hi." "How you doing?" "I'm good you?" "I'm good" "Good." Ugh, it's so annoying. Especially when you don't really want to talk to that person.
4. Antibiotics - Had to take a lot of these lately and they piss me off so much. They fuck up one of the tablets I take which is annoying, they usually make me feel sick and half the time I'm always given the wrong ones.
5. Various people in my year and the year below - I won't give specific reasons why, but I will say this: grow up for God's sake!
6. The "fair enough" response - What does that even mean? Are you pissed off? Are you glad? WHAT???
7. Channel 4 putting adverts into a show 5 minutes before it ends - You get my hopes up that Desperate Housewives will be on after the adverts, then you go back to Grand Designs or some shit like that.
8. People immediately deciding they don't like me just because I swear - My mum was seeing a guy who dumped her because he didn't like me swearing. Wanker needs to understand that teenagers swear.
9. Cramped cinemas - Not a problem at the good cinemas like The Odeon, but my nearest cinema is awful for this. 2 screens and you practically have to fight for a seat if it's packed. And it's confusing which screen you're in. When I went to see New Moon, I left during the trailers to get popcorn and wandered back into 2012 by mistake.
10. Kids who think they're hard - Kids at my school are awful for this. We have girls with orange faces and Jane Norman bags and large hoop earrings, and boys swearing their heads off and beating the shit out of each other in the corridoors. And they're just the year 7s. About 20% of the kids in my school aren't like this.
There are more, obviously, but I won't go on seeing as I can't remember many more and I'm also getting quite tired.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Half Term Acomplishments
Where the frick has this week gone? It's Thursday and yet I feel like I still need a week off. So, here's what I had planned to do this holiday:
1. Wider Reading - We're doing exam prep in English Lit now and should be doing wider reading. A lot of it.
2. Essay Trimming - My coursework essay for Lit has a 3000 word limit. My actual coursework is over 3,600 words.
3. Psychology Essay - Seeing as essays are the basis of my psychology exam, we do them for homework all the time. I have a rather large one to be doing on schizophrenia.
4. Revision Cards - My psychology teacher likes us to get our revision in early. So she advises us to make revision cards and we really should be doing them after each lesson to keep up to date. Well, that's the theory.
5. Re-Teaching - Last year in psychology we learned research methods and because it was so brief, our teacher made us do our notes straight onto revision cards. After the exam, I thought we wouldn't be touching it again, so I threw them out, therefore having no notes. Last week she tells us it's part of the A2 course too and there's more - but she's not reteaching last year's stuff because there's no time. So I need new notes and also to re-teach myself the whole topic.
6. Cooking - My food coursework invovles development which I'm behind in so I needed to cook at home. Eugh.
And here is what I have done...
1. Open Day - Attended an open day at University of Northampton. Was awesome :)
2. Dual Carridgeway - Did the stupid stupid act of slowing down on a dual carridgeway before overtaking. Don't ask why, I just did it because I'm a terrible driver. When I pass my test, don't get into a car with me. Ever!
3. Movies - Seem to have watched quite a lot of movies this half term. The Proposal, You've Got Mail, Revolutionary Road, The Last Kiss
4. Tantrums - There's been a few.
5. Pub Quiz - Friends and I went to a pub quiz as we do most weeks and the theme was Luxury Items or something - and we failed miserably!
6. Essay Trimming - Attempted to trim my Lit essay. Lost about 200 words. Need some help from my teacher.
So, this holiday has been a success I think...
1. Wider Reading - We're doing exam prep in English Lit now and should be doing wider reading. A lot of it.
2. Essay Trimming - My coursework essay for Lit has a 3000 word limit. My actual coursework is over 3,600 words.
3. Psychology Essay - Seeing as essays are the basis of my psychology exam, we do them for homework all the time. I have a rather large one to be doing on schizophrenia.
4. Revision Cards - My psychology teacher likes us to get our revision in early. So she advises us to make revision cards and we really should be doing them after each lesson to keep up to date. Well, that's the theory.
5. Re-Teaching - Last year in psychology we learned research methods and because it was so brief, our teacher made us do our notes straight onto revision cards. After the exam, I thought we wouldn't be touching it again, so I threw them out, therefore having no notes. Last week she tells us it's part of the A2 course too and there's more - but she's not reteaching last year's stuff because there's no time. So I need new notes and also to re-teach myself the whole topic.
6. Cooking - My food coursework invovles development which I'm behind in so I needed to cook at home. Eugh.
And here is what I have done...
1. Open Day - Attended an open day at University of Northampton. Was awesome :)
2. Dual Carridgeway - Did the stupid stupid act of slowing down on a dual carridgeway before overtaking. Don't ask why, I just did it because I'm a terrible driver. When I pass my test, don't get into a car with me. Ever!
3. Movies - Seem to have watched quite a lot of movies this half term. The Proposal, You've Got Mail, Revolutionary Road, The Last Kiss
4. Tantrums - There's been a few.
5. Pub Quiz - Friends and I went to a pub quiz as we do most weeks and the theme was Luxury Items or something - and we failed miserably!
6. Essay Trimming - Attempted to trim my Lit essay. Lost about 200 words. Need some help from my teacher.
So, this holiday has been a success I think...
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