Emetophobia sucks.

Those who know me well know that I'm a sufferer of emetophobia. For those who don't know, emetophobia is the fear of vomiting. And before you say "well, no one likes being sick," let me stop you right there. Emetophobia is not merely a dislike of being sick. It is a crippling fear that gets in the way of your day to day life. It's when you can't bear to sleep in the same bed as your partner if they so much as complain of feeling sick. It's when you refuse to step on a plane for a fear of child not telling their parents in time they're going to be ill, or being sat next to a complete stranger who's clutching that paper bag - just in case.

My reason for this post? Well, the past few weeks have emphasised the fact that while I feel my phobia has improved in recent years, it still rears it's ugly head from time to time. With me, it was a case of wrong place, wrong time. To be more specific, wrong channel, wrong time. I was 7 years old and home from school suffering from tonsilitis. Back in those days, Cartoon Network would be good up until about 9am, and then when kids were meant to be at school, it would change to baby shows until 3. At the time, there was nothing else on so I settled for Rugrats which is something I hated even back then, but alas, Dexter's Lab wouldn't be on again till 4. Some of you may remember an episode where Angelica tries on Chucky's glasses and they mess the shit out of her and she ends up throwing up from her father's point of view. Wow, just typing that gave me the shakes a little. And that was it. I have suffered from this god awful phobia ever since.

Over the years as I got older, it got worse after a horrendous bought of norovirus, which later resulted in what I don't like to admit was a quite severe case of obsessive compulsive handwashing and 2 weeks of eating nothing but ginger biscuits and mints. I am happy to report that since then, the compulsive handwashing is mainly gone, but unfortunately I still have what some people would describe as OCD tendencies, which most days I tend to deny, and refuse to see a GP for a fear of not being taken seriously and being told to visit the counselling service at my university rather than their one, because I quote "it's more convinient." I wish I could say I made that last part up, but I really didn't.

It doesn't help things that I also suffer from several stomach problems, of which I won't go into much detail, but I will say, the stomach issues and the emet-related anxiety like to feed each other, and most of the time, I don't know which I'd rather be rid of. On one hand, it would be nice to be able to not feel so helpless whenever a friend is drunk or when my boyfriend feels unwell; but on the other, it'd be nice to be able to go travelling or go out for a meal without the constant nausea.

Emetophobia also provides me with an irrational hatred for several kinds of people: those who don't wash their hands after using the toilet/blowing their nose, and those who go out in public less than 48 hours after having a stomach bug. Yes, I understand you have work and bills to pay, but spare a thought for everyone else. I can also see a third being added to this list in the future if I have children in the form of those who send their children to school when they're ill, but I don't want parents jumping down my throat, so I'll just leave it at that.

Another sucky thing is the fact that the obessive tendencies, anxiety and constant worrying about everything make me a highly annoying person. Several people I have met over the past few years probably see me as a total weirdo who has some serious issues. I am a weirdo for many reasons, but emetophobia isn't one of them. Although, it has been a nice bit of fuel for bullies in recent years. I was always careful who I told, but, things have a way of getting around.

While this phobia sucks and I would be more than happy to trade my psyche for one which is fearless and less anxious, I should take a moment to point out the things that emetophobia has brought to me that I am grateful for. One of which is the lovely, lovely people I have met as a result of several forums. It really makes the experience more comforting when you know you're not alone. It's also one of the reasons why I aspire for a career in psychology and mental health. However, recent research into possible careers tell me I need a masters at the very minimum, and even more education doesn't sound like the best option for me. I think it's time to grow up.

I would like to make future plans to cure my phobia or at least improve it further, but at the moment, as awful as it sounds, my motivation gets in the way. After having CBT a few years ago which I struggled with, the thought of eating vegetable soup from a cardboard hospital bowl (yes, you read correctly) makes my stomach turn. So, in the mean time, I'll be popping mints at every little stomach ache, taking mebeverine religiously and praying that I don't get sick. As for you, wash your hands!

Leave Jimmy alone!

People of Britain have gone apeshit this week, all because comedian Jimmy Carr was using a tax avoidance scheme. He's since apologised, but people are still going mental over the whole thing. The PM has even called what he's done 'morally wrong' - pot calling the kettle black there, Dave.

While it was right of Jimmy to apologise anyway, I personally don't see that he's done anything wrong. While a common opinion of those who don't earn a lot is that people who earn more should pay more tax, most of us in Jimmy's shoes would have done the same given the opportunity. I know I would have. The PM was also unfair to single him out, as he clearly isn't the only one. As for referring to it as 'morally wrong,' it seems highly hypocritical. Didn't we have MPs claiming for toilet seats and porn a while back? And privatising the NHS and taking away healthcare from all of us who can't afford to go private, that's nowhere near morally wrong is it?

I may get people jump down my throat for saying this, however, we all have freedom of speech, so there: I work, however, I don't pay tax on my wages because I don't earn enough. However, if I did pay tax, I would be absolutely disgusted that my hard earned money was being pissed away on pointless shit such as, oh, I don't know, the Olympics for example, so I don't blame anyone for saying 'yes' to the opportunity of paying less tax if I was advised it was legal. Come on, we'd all do it.

It's a shame that some people are using this whole story to go against Jimmy in general. On Twitter people are ranting because he's apologised for this, but not for some of the sick jokes he's come out with in the past. For the record, the clue is in the sentance - jokes. Jokes are not meant to be taken seriously, because they're jokes. BF and I met him in April when he toured here and he was lovely. Before you jump down my throat at that I will immediately say that in no way do I condone these jokes, there have been times when I've watched his DVDs or whatever and thought 'yeah, that was a bit much,' but at the end of the day, he's a comedian, it's his job and he's always done some form of dark humour in his shows. It's not forced upon anyone, we pay to go to his shows, we buy his DVDs and we watch him on the telly, and we have the choice to do that. If you're one of those people that doesn't like his humour, then don't watch him. Again, it's not right to single him out, there are plenty of comedians with that sort of humour, some who go further in that sort of humour. We're ashamed to admit sometimes that we do laugh at these jokes, but it doesn't reflect our opinion of the groups that are targeted.

At the end of the day, he's apologised now, and he's admitted he was wrong - which is what most of the slaters wanted. That should be the end of it. Although, as with the news, it probably isn't.

Magazine thoughts

I'm starting to enjoy personally attacking certain magazines, one in particular reminds me of that girl you used to be friends with until you started secondary school when she became a cement faced, fake nail, fake eyelash wearing Barbie doll who had nothing better to do than pick on the kids wearing glasses who did their homework rather than spending their evenings being fingered round the back of McDonald's. It's become just that.

So, just a few thoughts on what I've read recently.

Brad and Angelina spent £3,000 on a curry - Well, that's nothing new there. How about we start solving all the debt problems in this country - the world even - by taking money from those who have too much?  You know the last thing I spent 3 grand on? NOTHING. I have never spent that amount of money on anything in my life. Probably because I'm only 20 and don't even own my own car yet - but still. I get under that paid into my bank account for my student loan. I don't care if they have the money for it, how about they donate that 3 grand to a worthy cause and get a £6 takeaway bag from Tesco? Oh yes, because they're better than all of us.
 
One of the England Euro squad has an A* in Latin - Sorry, but I just don't believe this. If a footballer was capable to get an A* in anything, they'd surely be smart enough to know that kicking a ball around a field for a stupid amount of money is not a career to be proud of. And if we're talking an A* which you can't get at A-level nor university level, we're only talking GCSE. The bare minimum qualification you can leave eduacation with.

You should always wear a condom - Well, duh. Those who think regularly taking the morning after pill and getting an abortion when you have an accident is an appropriate form of contraception ought to have their legs stapled together.

40% of men think housework is a woman's job - There's a word for these types of men. What is it? Oh yes, pricks.

The grown-up test.

It's interesting, in a seminar I sat in recently at uni we had the discussion about when you stop being an adolescent and start being an adult. My personal opinion is that once you're 18, you're an adult. At 18, I was paying rent, buying my own groceries and paying bills - once I moved out of course. Although a common one across my class was that you're not officially a grown-up till your 20. The reason: because 'teen' is no longer in the wording of your age. Interesting.

Today I found this article on 50 things that prove you're a grown-up. These things were put together from a recent study, so I am taking on the challenge of finding out how grown up I really am. How childish.

Mum and Dad no longer make your financial decisions - Once I hit 16 and had a job they stopped doing that. I just got a bollocking the time I drank most of my £600 18th birthday money away in a "YAY I CAN LEGALLY DRINK!!" spree.
Conducting a weekly food shop - Hell yeah, that's the highlight of  my week. Seriously.
Written a will - I have a list of songs I want played at my funeral, but a will, no.
Having children - I'd happily have a baby, I just wouldn't want it to grow into a child. They annoy me. But I like babies.
Being able to cook a meal from scratch - BF's department. I don't cook.
Getting married - I'm engaged. Half way there?
Watching the news - I don't make a point of willingly sitting down and watching it, it's too depressing. But I check the BBC website once a day just to check the world's not ending.
Spending weekends 'just pottering' - This is what most of my weekends consist of.
Carrying spare shopping bags - I don't carry them, but the cupboard under the sink is stuffed with them. Just in case.
Going to bed before 11pm - Most nights. I enjoy sleep.
Always going out in sensible shoes - Not always, but I'll always be the one wearing flats on a night out. Apparently this makes me the sad little virgin girl who doesn't fit in a nightclub that smells of piss and is full of girls who wear belts for skirts and drink away their self respect.
Wearing coats on a night out - Again, I always get it wrong. I'm always the one carrying a coat with me on a night out, and most clubs have nowhere to put coats without them getting stolen or vomited on. Apparently it's much better to go out without a coat and wear your skin-tight Primark dress and heels and end up with hypothermia. But what does that matter? Because you'll be in the warm arms of that guy you were grinding with on the dancefloor while he fingers you round the back of Greggs. Awesome. 
Being able to change a tyre - I can't even do a reverse park. What do you think?

I would do all 50, but I can't be bothered, and lets face it, you don't really want to be reading all that. However, I worked out that I only do 18 of these things on the list. So technically, I'm not even half a grown up. Maybe I'll come back to this list in 5 years time and see what's changed. It's a date.

A totes emosh 'fing about how magazines are well reem. Not really.

I've blogged about this topic before, but since doing so, I think things have gotten worse. I may seem hypocritical discussing this, as I'm still an avid reader of 3 well known magazines despite the things that piss me off about them. Actually, at the moment, it's just the one magazine that's been pissing me off - it's name shall remain anonymous, but you may be able to guess if you've read it recently.

Basically, this particular magazine I think has rapidly turned into a bimbo in itself. And I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm not calling anyone who reads it a bimbo, I'm just saying, that this magazine has become that slightly dumb girl who thinks about what's going on in the life of Cheryl Cole and who uses phrases such as "well jel" and "totes amaze" - yes, I'm looking at you, every female from TOWIE.

Let's start by the first few pages: the celebrity news. Just emphazing exactly how important it is that Rihanna eats burgers and how Cheryl looked amazing on the red carpet and how Kim has a totes reem bikini body that we're all wel jel of. Erm, sorry, I have other things to care about, like how there's things happening in the real world. To be honest, if there was a magazine that emphasised what happens in the lives of normal people, celebs would only pick it up to wipe their asses with it, so why should we give a crap about how they're living their lives?

Next we have the best bikini bodies or as I like to call it "look at what you will NEVER look like in a bikini" or the "we're so much hotter than you!" awards. Speaks for itself really. I'm not happy with the fact that my skin is so pale I look like a corpse, and the fact that specs and a bikini will never go well together no matter how hard I try, but I'm not particularly keen on changing that. For one, the amount of sun we get in this country just doesn't make it seem worth it, but it's quite sad that so many of us will be pressured into losing weight when lets face it, you rarely need to, just in order to get a body like one of these. By all means, if that's really what you want, do it, but do it because you want to, not because the media dictates you must.

This next bit I feel was definitely worth a mention - how to have summer sex. I won't go into details, but one suggestion made me laugh out loud and it was this: 'if you have a wedding to go to, use it as an excuse for hotel sex. If you're single, try and have fun with the best man or another guest without worrying about what your housemates or family think of you.' So use a wedding to lower your self respect then? Awesome.

All the fashion pages (and this magazine isn't the only culprit, they all do it) piss me off. Mainly because who has the time or money to keep up with trends? Life is too short worry about how to pull off that optical print trend, and also, I have rent and bills to pay. By all means, if I see something I really like now and again, I'll buy it, but I won't consider whether or not it's 'in' right now, because I don't particularly give a shit.

Then there's horoscopes. As always, bullshit. While I am stubborn, as a Taurus is, I still don't believe the date of my birth affects my personality type. So there.

So there you have it, my take on your average woman's magazine. Like I said, I admit I'm a hypocrite in a sense, because I still read them. Not only because it gave me something to blog about while BF watches The Matrix (which, I might add, is fucked up and I don't even want to attempt to understand it), but also because..well, I don't know why. But I will say one thing: if I could read a magazine that doesn't emphasize all this crap, I would. I look forward to when I can read parenting magazines and all that crap, but for now my typical age range dictates that fashion and celeb magazines are of importance.

Being British and that.

As you may or may not know, I hate being patriotic. I'm British, I'm not ashamed to be British, but I'm not one of those people to embrace my cultural identity. That said, I have nothing against those who do, I just think there are other aspects of your personality that you should embrace more: for example, I embrace my borderline OCD - at least it means I'm thorough. Or, rather, you could call it denial. Whatever. I embrace the fact I wear glasses. Geek chic baby.

Anyway, considering this time of year is a time to be patriotic, what with the Jubilee and the Olympics, I find it incredibly difficult to go into any shop and not be annoyed this time of year. Why would you want to buy all that crap with "Team GB!" on? We're hardly going to do well. And it's just an ugly reminder of the stupidly unholy amount of tax payers money that could have been better spent on the aspects of this country that have gone to shit in recent years. Look at all the other competitions we enter - Eurovision, the World Cup, it never ends well.

There is a reason why patriotism annoys me - the fact while there is some pride in being British, there are other things that just make you think "do I really live in a country with these types of assholes?" For example, the sheer pessimism. For example, we've had some lovely hot weather recently (admittedly, it was never going to last), but the second the temperature was a little bit raised, we had news bombarding us with "Heatwave won't last long!" and "Warm weather to disppear by end of week" - shut the hell up. What with it being Britain and all, we don't get a lot of sun, at least let us enjoy it without having the thought in our head "eeh, it'll be over this time next week - the news said." Admittedly, the thought "this time next week it'll all be over..." has it's benefits when referring to an exam, or an awkward meeting with an ex to give back their crap, but when referring to something that's actually quite pleasant, it just seems pointless.

Us Brits are selfish too, no doubt about that. It was revealed that more Brits today would rather have the perfect body than end all world suffering. Hows that for awesome? "There's a war going on in Iraq which thousands and thousands of people have lost their lives in, children in Africa are starving and dying of AIDS, there is a seemingly endless number of people suffering from so many horrible illnesses, but SCREW THAT! I want to look like Kim Kardashian when I hit the beach because then I'll look totes amaze. SHUT UPPP!" (Btw, I'm not embracing this, I genuinely think it's appalling.)

However, what I do like about being British is the fact that there are some people who aren't assholes. These are the people who I call at work for whatever reason and answer the phone cheerily and are genuinely greatful to you for calling, and those who make jokes that would typically be considered unfunny but you just have to laugh at them for making it, and the occasional person who restores your faith in humanity if you drop something, or who hold a door open for you, or give up their seat on the bus for you when you're not even elderly or pregnant.

I suppose it's these kind of people who take pride in things like the Jubilee and the Olympics. I won't be the kind of person who has a barbeque to celebrate the Queen, and I'm definitely not going to be the kind of person sitting and spending days on end watching the Olympics whenever the hell it is. But, I will possibly be buying some cute Union Jack merchandise from Accessorise. They have cute London bus necklaces.

100 Awesome Things - Part 2

Continuing my 100 Awesome Things series of posts. Here's 11-20.
11. The Muppets

How can anyone not love The Muppets?? My Kermit the Frog mug brought me endless cups of tea that were made that little bit better just by the fact it was in a Kermit the Frog mug...no wonder no one wants to go out drinking with me. Recently realised that Pepé is actually one of my favourite Muppets. Oh, hell with it, they're all my favourite. The movie with Jason Segel was adorably cute - and I particularly loved Jim Parsons' (Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) cameo during the Man or Muppet number, which btw, is on my iPod.

12. The sense of excitement when you see you have a Facebook notification.
Okay, it's probably just me. That optimistic feeling that someone cares. Just me? Okay then. Although the Android app now gives you notifications when people you regularly interact with update their status. Stupid false hope.

13. Cats
I grew up with cats, and they really make your family. We had my Ozzy for six years before we sadly lost him.

14. Penguins
It's a known fact among many people who know me that  I love penguins. Pingu was always a childhood favourite. And lucky for me, Liam recently adopted me my own for my birthday.

15. The Fudge Factory
One of my favourite places is the Fudge Factory in Bath. I have never tasted such awesome fudge. If you're ever in Bath, seriously, go there. I reccomend the vanilla chocolate chip. Or, go to their website, www.sanfransiscofudge.co.uk.

16. The feeling of acomplishment when you complete an assignment
That feeling of freedom once you hit 'submit' or walk away from the assignment office empty handed. Probably the only thing I enjoy about being a student. That and a nice 10% off (sometimes 20) by flashing your ID card.

17. Sheer happiness and not giving a shit when you're drunk
We've all done it. When you get spectacularly pissed (not A&E or puking in the gutter pissed) and there is that amazing feeling where you just don't give a crap about anything else. You're just there, enjoying the moment and not worrying about the god-awful hangover you'll have in the morning.

18. Being complimented
We all love it, although most of us never know how to respond to one. Saying "thanks" and just leaving it at that or "I know right?!" just makes you seem smug, while saying "really? I think I look shit" (or whatever negative comment about yourself that applies to the context) makes you appear as if you're totally dismissing that person's most likely genuine compliment. But still, it's nice to get them.

19. When someone is genuinely nice
I get this at work now and again, speaking to customers on the phone isn't a very interesting task, but it really makes me smile when I speak to someone on the phone and they're genuinely grateful, or just plain nice. Makes my job more pleasant and it genuinely brightens my day.

20. An old cuddly toy when you feel like crap
I've had my Snoozy (a 'Little Snoozem' - I cannot find a picture of my one anywhere, not even on eBay) since I was 5 years old and she still sits on my bedside table. A cuddle from an inanimate toy when you feel like crap somehow makes you feel better.