Remember in September when I said something about university misery bingo? Well, put it this way, I've given up on that concept given the fact that most of those things, I've lost count of how many times I've done them. Particularly the quitting thing.
I'm trying so hard to keep reiterating the fact that it's 18 months to go, if that. And also, take comfort in the fact that most students say the second year is the hardest. I fricking hope so. It all started once I went back after Christmas, I think just being at home for 2 weeks really put into perspective for me how unhappy I am at university. Anyway, the first few weeks, I couldn't care less. I did the bare minimum of course, but as for turning up to lectures...pah, not worth the time. I've been trying to take it slow the last couple of weeks, gradually building up to trying to get back into a full routine again. Someone in my counselling lecture actually said to me when I told her that just a day off once a week would make things so much easier: "why not just have a day off?" So I did. I think I did quite well this week, aside from today, but in my defence, that 7am alarm is just horribly depressing.
Anyway, what I've discovered lately is that I'm probably not the best person to become a counsellor. Not at the moment anyway. I discovered this last year, but I gradually got round to thinking that after just a few things I could work my way into a career from it - now, I'm absolutely 100% sure it's not for me. Mainly for the same reasons I talked about before, but also for a reason that I've discovered quite recently.
Basically, my counselling class is at 9am on a Wednesday morning. 9 till 11. I have work at 12, so by the time I get home, there's about 10-20 minutes I've got free, and most of that time is spent getting changed and sorting my stuff out. Then I work till 5.40, usually home by 6, and by the time you've had dinner and all that crap, the day is over. That's a lot to cram in for one day, and before you give me a mental slap round the face and yell at me that I need to grow up because that's what the real world's like, but when you're as miserable as I am at uni, you value pretty much any free time you have.
So, sometimes, it's nice not to go in, not because I have a lie in or anything (although the fact it's cold, dark and horrible out and your bed isn't), but because it's just nice to have a spare couple of hours before I have to go to work where it gets quite busy and stressful.
Not only that, but (now I don't know if this is just me not being a morning person, or my personality, or if this happens with everyone) I've noticed, at 9am in the morning, I don't want to talk to anyone. A hello and a quick chat with your classmates and the people you're friends with, fine, but when they want you to do skills work, just...no.
Not only do I not want to get into stuff that's fairly personal (or think up something that I've repressed or whatever, depends on events of the previous week), but I don't particularly have the energy to be attentive either. I can sit there and nod and stuff, but as a counsellor you're supposed to paraphrase and what not, and that requires actually listening.
I don't know if I'm just at a point again where I have no idea what I want to do. Every psychology career at the moment just seems like it's not for me. Research jobs - they usually involve you working with groups, I hate group work. Counselling - self explanatory. Clinical settings - I've been told I'm too timid. Yes, really. Most people think it, but they never have the courage to say it to my face, so kudos for that at the very least.
Anyone have any career ideas when I finally recieve my degree after three sordid years? Answers on a postcard.
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